With the recommendation and encouragement of a very nice friend of mine. I am trying my hand on my first SHORT STORY.
He sat there in the shady corner of the alley with his head on his hands wondering, what he had done and why. He knew this happened in the heat of the moment, it wasn't intentional, but how will he prove it.
He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror of the hotel back door, the mirror reflected his blood smeared hands, his stained shirt, and teary stained face.
Two blocks away, he heard police sirens, something in his mind made him want to see what was happening. Cops bustling around, the Caution Barricade yellow tapes being put up. Somehow, these goings made him so nervous that he wanted to scream out real loud, beads of perspiration broke out on his forehead, he closed his eyes and replayed the whole scene in his head all over again for the billionth time.
It was 11.34pm when he checked his phone for Aliah's message, she was in trouble again, but this time he sensed something serious. He brushed the sinking feeling from his mind and thought "she should have been her 15 minutes back"
He had the money she wanted and the .45 ACP handgun for her safety.
Suddenly, he saw a man approaching from the dark and dragging along a limp body of a woman. In that, moonlit street he knew that woman was Aliah.
He could feel it now, when its too late, that it was love that he felt for her but never acknowledged it. This new realization and the anger that she had been killed made him pull out the handgun and aim at the man who killed her..
BANG!!! BANG!! BANG!!!
The sound of 3 gunshots fired resonated in the silence of the night.
Things went still
He had killed him.
He sat there in the shady corner of the alley with his head on his hands wondering, what he had done and why. He knew this happened in the heat of the moment, it wasn't intentional, but how will he prove it.
He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror of the hotel back door, the mirror reflected his blood smeared hands, his stained shirt, and teary stained face.
Two blocks away, he heard police sirens, something in his mind made him want to see what was happening. Cops bustling around, the Caution Barricade yellow tapes being put up. Somehow, these goings made him so nervous that he wanted to scream out real loud, beads of perspiration broke out on his forehead, he closed his eyes and replayed the whole scene in his head all over again for the billionth time.
It was 11.34pm when he checked his phone for Aliah's message, she was in trouble again, but this time he sensed something serious. He brushed the sinking feeling from his mind and thought "she should have been her 15 minutes back"
He had the money she wanted and the .45 ACP handgun for her safety.
Suddenly, he saw a man approaching from the dark and dragging along a limp body of a woman. In that, moonlit street he knew that woman was Aliah.
He could feel it now, when its too late, that it was love that he felt for her but never acknowledged it. This new realization and the anger that she had been killed made him pull out the handgun and aim at the man who killed her..BANG!!! BANG!! BANG!!!
The sound of 3 gunshots fired resonated in the silence of the night.
Things went still
He had killed him.
hmmm good one dee
ReplyDeleteThanks amu :-)
DeleteHey D,
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your first attempt at short stories!!
But expected much more...this could have been an open ended story or something more thought provoking or just a bubbly one.
Far from your more interesting bak bak ;-)
But anyway, better late than never and no one is perfect. Best luck for your next one and awaiting it too :-)
Thanks Shekhar :-)
Deletei will surely try to get better...just a jr.kg in story story thing...
With all reviews like yours am sure gonna get better... *hugs*
Hey D,
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your first attempt at short stories!!
But expected much more...this could have been an open ended story or something more thought provoking or just a bubbly one.
Far from your more interesting bak bak ;-)
But anyway, better late than never and no one is perfect. Best luck for your next one and awaiting it too :-)
I was expecting a twist, haven't got any. Way too straight but it is your first attempt and a nice one too. My first attempt had scared many people.:D
ReplyDeleteBut i am a huge fan of your nautankis....:)
Thanks Ashish..maybe i should stick to writing out of experience only :P
ReplyDeletethanks a lot...suggestions from you readers are really important...will try to get better soon :-)
That is short a nice story.. Great for the first attempt!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading farila :-)
DeleteGood writing.. ur construct is good.. try making it a little longer.. ;) and a twist at the end would be fun.. now does that sound familiar? Hehehe..
ReplyDeleteGood one, being the first attempt... shall wait for your second short story so that I can compare and try to give you a detailed feedback.
ReplyDeleteThanks for adding me to your network on IndieBlogger as well.
Cheers,
Sameer
M thanks..
ReplyDeletewill get inspired by your writings guruji
Thanks for reading Sameer..
ReplyDeletetrying to rack my head to come up with a plot..till then will stick to my original Nautanki self..
keep reading :-)
Dee, I liked the non-linear treatment to the story! For the first attempt, kya baat, kya baat, kya baat! :D
ReplyDeleteShukran
Deletehumble attempt. it will take a while to reach your level