50 Shades of Dee

My friend and I did this "50 questions in 5 minutes" game that we read about in some woman magazine, just for fun...and this was it...total honest answers

Date of the Game: 29th October 2013
Time: 3.45pm
Place: Canteen

1.      WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

            Not Really...

2.      YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? 

      I love it…

3.      IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Absolutely 

4.      DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

Yes, maybe...

5.      DO YOU BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE? 

Yes, I do believe in fairy tales

6.      WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! 

7.      DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

Ohh yes…

8.      WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

THEIR EYES…

            notice in men…hmmm...eyes...smile...broad shoulders...forearms…
            notice in women..shoes, dress, earrings, bag

9.      RED OR PINK?

Red

10.  WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF ?

Ahh..hmmm..well…hmm..nothing…

11.  WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

            Black pants and blue loafers

12.  WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE ?

An Apple

13.  WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

Aunty, police bula legi :P

14.  IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

Mauve or Purple or blue

15.  FAVORITE SMELLS?

            Rain wet mud, petrol,,..some deos ;-) 

16.  WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

Sanjeevani from ICICI bank

17.  FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Cricket…Tennis..Bitch fights

18.  HAIR COLOR? 

Black that sometimes looks like dark brown

19.  EYE COLOR?

Dark brownish

20.  DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

No..thankfully

21.  FAVORITE FOOD?

Cheese..Paneer..Pastas…Pizzas…Chocolates 

22.  LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

Gravity

23.  WHAT COLOR SHIRT/TOP ARE YOU WEARING? 

Light Blue Kurta

24.  SUMMER OR WINTER?

Summer…I like the warmth..n those lovely little dresses..

25.  HUGS OR KISSES?

            Depends who it is from 

26.  WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

Mouse...what did you expect?…*lame*

27.  WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? 

            Big Boss 7

28.  WHAT IS GIVES YOU IMMENSE PEACE? 

Seeing my parents and my brother smile and the reason for their smile is me

29.  WHERE WERE YOU BORN? 

Mumbai, India

30.  HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT IN SOMEBODY ELSE’S CLOTHES?

Yes

31.  HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO DRUNK THAT YOU THREW UP

I don’t booze

32.  DO YOU SECRETLY ABUSE PEOPLE IN YOUR MIND WHILE THEY ARE SPEAKING TO YOU?

Hehehehehehe….many times..that too with a stupid smile plastered on my face

33.  HAVE YOU EVER NOT HAD A BATH FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK?

Yes…I was without a real bath for 3 months…woahh I wasn’t lost or nomad..I was in the hospital and not in a position to have a decent bath

34.  WHAT DO YOU EAT ON THE DAYS OF FAST?

Fruits

35.  DO YOU LIKE TO GET YOU PICTURES CLICKED?

I love to..I’m not called "the nautanki" for nothing...

36.  DO YOU CHEW YOUR NAILS?

Yes Mi Lord I do

37.  WHAT DID YOU SPEND YOUR FIRST SALARY ON?

A mobile phone, A shirt for Dad and a Saree for Mom

38.  WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER?

Sometime in February 2012

39.  HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

            English. Hindi, Marathi, Tamil, Gujarati, basic Punjabi

40.  REALITY SHOW OR DAILY SOAPS?

Reality Shows

41.  SING IN THE CAR?

Loudly with a dance motion

42.  DANCED IN THE SHOWER?

Many times

43.  OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

Astronaut, or a truck driver

44.  HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE HAPPY?

Oh yea..many times..

45.  WHICH WAS THE LATEST DESTINATION YOU TRAVELED?

Hong Kong and Macau

46.  WHAT IS YOUR MOST COMMONLY USED WORD?

F**k/Freak

47.  EVER HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY?

Yes…

48.  WHO WAS YOUR FIRST CRUSH?

I still don’t know his name..I knew him by his car number only..

49.  HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE?

Sweet, Milky, Warm, Semi strong

50.  DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF OR YOUR MIRROR?

Many times…pep talks...angry conversations…long happy conversations, critical analysis on appearance conversations

Your call is important to us

"Our customer service representatives are busy on other calls. Please hold the line. Your call is important to us"

How many times have we heard this line when we call up our phone/credit card companies?


I wonder when they tell me that my call is important to them and they will be gutted if I cut the call after pressing out a million buttons..am I really important?

It is so heart warming of me that I never cut the line..I patiently press 2 then 4  then 8 then # then 7..then patiently listen to their music and their promotional offers..

By then I put my phone on loud speaker, cook, clean my house, have a shower, straighten my hair..and now I'm 6th in the queue and my call is still important to them..

Now, someone comes on the line..and I pour out to him my heart content about my issue very nicely..after an hour of listening to the company's music...again my call is put on hold before they extract my data...again i listen to the music...
The person finally comes over and "apologizes" and gives the complaint number but being a normal girl i never have a pen and paper around and ask them to hold precisely for a minute..and by the time I come back the line is cut...

I again patiently redial go through the same ordeal..still being assured that my call is important and they are busy serving other customers even at 2.07am ..woooww lovely customer service..im so touched
or else I just give up trying to be important to them..

I wonder
Why don't they follow the same policy for the pesky  tele marketing people..they call even after you have have hung up..why wont they give up...?
Why don't they follow the same policy if I miss my Credit Card payment by 1 day and suddenly I become the most important customer for real and all their operators are on my throat with swords to cut it off...

........................................"Your call is important to us"

Perks of Being a Man

I have a lot of guy friends, I have a brother too...there are so many perks of being a guy that I have noticed in my growing life

1. You can stay out all night alone and not get your parents worried sick about you being raped.

2. You guys can do things simple by saying that you are "Dandekars"

3. You can pee standing anywhere, behind the bush, corners of the road, on trees everywhere. We have to either hold it or find a pathetic washroom or a pit to do it. Pee-thatic

3. Having a dick seems pretty cool. I know it probably hurts a lot when you get kicked there and makes it hard to cross your legs, but you get to be the subject rather than the object when it comes to sex (unless you’re a bottom or there is a strap-on involved). That seems more fun.

4. No one stares at your chest when they are talking to you

5. No one pinches your butt in a crowd.

6. No one passes comments in so-called hushed tones which fall clearly into our ears.

7. You can roam around shirtless...or banianless...no problems

8. The day you forget to wear a banian you wouldnt feel empty and bouncy and hangy.

9. To make a baby, you can just have sex with someone. You don’t have to actually wait for 9 months, grow fat, bear kicks and then have it come tearing and screaming out of your body.

10. If you don’t have children, you just get to be a bachelor who gets more sexy as he ages. If a woman doesn’t have children, everyone worries about her biological clock and advises wrinkle cream to her.

11. Boys cricket gets more footage than girl's cricket. I havent heard about international women's football yet..or League matches for that matter

12. You can eat n eat n eat...grow all round and fat...and not feel a pinch of it...For us women, an extra hanging fat here and there and we become the un-dateables...

13. Using a condom or not is your choice, you aint getting pregnant. Every contraceptive is for women

14. Women have to wear mangalsutra and sindoor as a proof of being married and the man roams around scotfree.

15. We get to hear "Sasural jayegi toh kya kahenge, maa ne itna bhi nahi sikhaya"
We never say "biwi ayegi toh kya kahegi, baap ne itna bhi nahi sikhaya things"

16. If a girl roams with 10 men she is a slut. If a guy roams with 10 women he is a player.

17. if its a scorching hot day, you remove 3 buttons of your shirt and no one gives a damn. If women's shirt one button is open by mistake..the jaws of so many men touches gravity.

18. You cook, you are chef's. We cook. Its our duty

19. You cant cook. its ok...we cant cook, we are domestically pathetic.

20. You swear in every possible language, its so cool. We swear , we are so unladylike

This world is so unfair.....

Open Letter to the Hypocrites of Indian Society

Dear Hypocrites...rather skip the dear part of our Indian society

I know you worship Goddess Saraswati when you start studying..I know your business place surely adorns a picture of Goddess Lakshmi..Every Diwali you conduct a pooja of your lockers loaded with Lakshmi..

But, have you ever notices the way you treat your Ghar ki Lakshmi? 

You still want your wife to be under a hidden veil while you go around snooping the innocent maid..
You still consider a girl child as liability..You still kill female fetuses because you cant get a waaris  for your hypocritical khandaan.

You have double standards for a guy and a girl.
From the moment a girl is born till she dies, you treat her differently.
You say men and women are equal?
No...never is that possible in this life..

Women are not the weaker sex..they may not have a strong fist but she bears pains 7 times a normal endurance level of a human body during child birth.

You say, you treat your daughter's the same like your son?
Really do you..?

Tell you what..I can make a generic list of inequality imposed on feminine gender,

At Birth - female foeticide 
As a youngster - A girl doesn't get education its ok, since she is gonna only cook and clean..but boy has to get a good education....
In her teens - 1 girl roams with 10 men she is a slut, 1 guy goes around with 100 females he is a "guy its ok..he is a boy after all"
Engagement - Girl's engagement breaks..its her fault...guys breaks it must be the girls fault 
Girl is 30 something and unmarried - something is wrong with her..maybe she has an affair....guy is 30 n unmarried he was busy making a career
Marriage - girls parents bear most of the expenses, give their little girls too..
Girls have a tag like magalsutra and sindoor as a a proof of being "married"....a man is scot-free to lie to other women and chase them claiming to be unmarried
A couple doesn't have kids - the woman must be barren..
Women die of dowry deaths
A widowed women is not allowed to attend functions and treated as an outcast..but a widower is allowed everything.

Rapes happen on women.
Women groped, molested, eve teased by men
Women are victims of acid attacks
But, still according to you guys its the woman's fault.

There was a conversation I know of ,
A: You know about the rape case right?
B: yeah, must be the girl's fault, she must have worn sexy clothes
A: She was wearing a full sleeves salwar kameez with a nehru collar...nothing revealing
B; She must have smiled and made gestures at those men
A: She was playing a game in the phone and didn't even look up
B: She must be wearing a lot of make up
A: She was returning from work, all tired looking
B: Why did she go to that lonely place, that late?
A: She was pulled from a crowded bus stop and 6pm
B: She shouldn't have been alone then
A: She was with a guy
B: Thats the problem, these girls roam with men and accuse rape
A: She was with her brother
B: Ok, bye I have to go

This "B" is any common person, a man or woman of this society who will go to any extent to justify an act like rape.
You can make so many excuses for a rape to happen but do nothing to stop it.

Our law is such that rape cases go dragging for years together even in any fast track court.
Till then the victim is mentally and emotionally raped by the society and the accused roam out in bail.


The man who is less than 18 and rapes a girl, is should not considered juvenile after such an act. 
Abolish the juvenile age, deal every issue as case to case basis.
Punish him for his act and not his age..
But, no...we still live in the 5th century with follows archaic laws.



Teach your sons to respect women, and not abuse them.
Give your daughter that confidence that she is no less than a man.

Women are human too. Treat them like one.

A harrowed Indian girl

I Miss You...My Special Stranger

I am sharing my Do RIght Stories at BlogAdda.com in association with Tata Capital.

This post is dedicated to her...whom I know absolutely nothing about..not even her name
here was this really old, frail,bi spectacled woman outside Andheri West station. She used to stand in either the middle corridor or the end of the stairs and beg.
Never in the past 1.5 years have I seen her sitting or lazing or fretting. She always had this unexplainable aura about her.
Every time I saw her I felt this urge to go and hug her, or take her home, give her the comfort of a grand-mom. (Its really an different feeling altogether, I am not able to get words to express it).

This year on Valentine's Day, I wanted to do something special. I got her a bunch of roses, a scarf and chocolates.
I stopped by her, with curious,surprised,agast stares and hush hush around us. I gave her the gifts..and there was this glow in her eyes behind those old glasses. The roses made her really happy, coz when I gave her the gifts, all the said was "Phoool..." (flowers in Hindi) in a small feeble voice and gave a cute single-tooth smile.
I had this single tear, fighting hard not to escape my eyes. My heart was filled with this immense satisfaction.

That day onwards, we used to look at each other and smile, nod or wave. It was like we were expecting to see each other every morning.
I used to sometimes see her in the evenings at Dadar station too


Last one week, she was not there in her regular place.
I was actually missing seeing my stranger grand-mom.
My eyes were frantically searching.
I used to have horrific visions, and I used to calm myself saying "maybe she is in a different place".
But all that while, I had a very nagging feeling on the back of my mind that something was wrong somewhere.

Yesterday, I gathered all my guts and asked a ragged looking man about her.
What he said about her, broke a small part inside me...

He said she died, 10 days back....

My heart stopped beating for a moment,

There was no relation between us except for a daily smile, but the warmth in that little moment was immense..so deep that even today I can see her there...

I want to see her, I want that comforting look, I want that single-tooth smile...God, I so love my grand-mom

I know, she will know now how I felt for her....

My Grandmom...I miss you everyday!!! :_(

Image Courtesy: http://www.grafixalicious.com

Ban Porn.....Why?

Every time I see Sunny Leone's pic on any film magazine or an article on her, I cant help but wonder about this country who tag a an ex-porn star as an "aesthetic actress" and the women who get raped as "women with dented morals"

Phew!! What hypocrisy..

Indian Govt just passed a rule to "Ban Pornography" ..Like really? Are the dumb? Blind? or both?

From ancient ages, even from God's ages pornography is been going on...check out the Khajurao sculptures, Kamasutra, Ajanta-Ellora caves, Adam and Eve story and olden dayz paintings..Only now we have those in videos available at the click of a button..

Ok..n How exactly is "Banning Porn" gonna help the common public?

People used to see a 6 feet giant hunk shagging a sexy hottie on the kitchen counter and remove their frustrations and live their fantasies in their minds. Now, If that source of removing their anger, frustration, stress...or just time-pass is also banned...wont it increase the chances of more rapes and molestations?

In India, If your pizza guy (who is generally puny and skinny) delivers the pizza later that it should..either we either scream the life out of him or we get a free pizza of him..

But, in the porn-world...the pizza guy is a hot 6 feet tall, burly hunk and the customer is cute lonely lady in an oh-so-pretty house wearing a joke of an outfit..and forgives the pizza mess up in exchange of a "you-know-what"

A normal hormone-active man, whose mentality might be filthier than a combo of the garbage dump and a public toilet... would want to be that delivery boy atleast in his mind..through visual stimulation..if not in real...and..when he doesn't get even that...What happens?

Crime....

Stop passing stupid Laws...Let people Live

Divine Conspiracy

One fine evening I got an email from The Whitescape with a invite for me to be the Guest Blogger for her blog..

I went through her blog www.thewhitescape.wordpress.com . A beautiful, well-worded, nicely designed blog made me accept her request within reading just 2 posts on her blog.

Off late I am really starting to like guest blogging so I cooked up this post for her

This rainy season in Mumbai is stirring the "romantic" me...a stint of it is in this post

http://thewhitescape.wordpress.com/2013/06/21/divine-conspiracy/

Love you Whitescape,
Thanks for inviting me to be your Guest blogger

I crush you...Till I find someone better

Hola Dahlings,

Yes, DeeDee is also writing on one of India's Top 30 blogs "Darlings of Venus" *Yippe, happy dance*

And this is DeeDee's second post on the DOV

Hope you enjoy it..

http://darlingsofvenus.blogspot.in/2013/06/i-crush-youtill-i-find-someone-better.html

TooDooLoos..

STFU - Shut that Freak Up

 I have a mouth that has an airplane motor without a brake fit to it..It doesn't know when to STFU (Shut Dafaq up) ---- P.S I love the word Dafaq... :-D

I have had so many foot-in-the-mouth moments..lordddddd...

#College gate
One of my friend's had built a lodge and had a pooja in there, We all were invited for it.
except for me and a friend Amit everyone else went in the morning coz we had our practicals..
After a tired day, we went and came back and met the rest of our group at the gate.
a Friend to Me: "Kahan gaye the dono"
Me (lazily stretching): Mei aur Amit lodge mai gaye the..

Loud enough for a 20 people group to hear me and assume the worst

From then on, whenever I passed by them I could hear hush-hush and giggles behind me

#College Bus Stop
I used to carry a pack pf Polo (mint with a hole) always in my bag..
In our group we had 12 guys and 2 girls including me..

Once, I gave my polo to all of them and in the end a friend Amol asked me
Amol: Dee, tune liya?
Me: Haan, Ek hath mei hai, Ek mooh mei

Again, the radius of 1 meter had a fit of laughter with red-faced me saying "bass kya..kuch bhi...corrupt log"

#Office Canteen
Conversation about the new canteen space and his service,

Friend: Uska space ab kafi acha hai and service bhi
Me: Haan uska kaafi bada ho gaya ab, jab deta hai tab josh mei deta hai else ekdum thakela service
Friend (looks at me with an evil grin) and whole table bursts out laughing

#In the local train, on the phone, in a Gents compartment (my side of the conversation)

Me: Haan Bhaiyya, aap dene aa hi jaana
Me: Haan, barabar, aage-piche dono side maarna

Me: Upar thoda hath maarlo acha hoga...

After I hung up, a guy friend with me gave a huge snort and went ROTFL all the way to our destination..and that ass even recorded the "wild conversation"

How...I mean...How do i get myself so stuck..

God Bless Me...

Btw... Jisko Blog samjha smile karo, Jisko nahi samjha jaake Pogo dekho

Sheeesssshhh... these have been the worst moments ever

Image Courtesy: www.facebook.com (Rohit's cover picture)

In the Summertime

Its summer...time to bring out those hot pants..pretty skirts..those cottons,,sexy tops...and party in a lovely beach..

Its that time of the year when beach, booze and babes are the USP (not Unique Selling Prop its Ultra Sexy Part) of the season..
Also, its time for the skin to bear the brunt of all this "Sunny" mood...*sigh*

But, why worry I did spend  a small chunk of my salary on sunscreens and sunglasses and scarfs...

Only thing in my mind is a little exotic holiday in the beaches of Maldives...maybe somewhere nearer...Andaman....*hoots hawls*...(Yea...Thank you).. aahh..hmm..

*logs in/checks account balance after shopping* Goa..maybe..

*calls up friends* Goa plan in progress *happy dance*

*convinces parents* Goa plan still in progress

*Applies for a week's leave* *DENIED* Goa plan goes down the drains with screams and shouts from friends *long sad face, turned back on my bed, head hidden under the pillow in a dark room*

And here I'm spending my summer time sipping refreshing Nariyal Paani at Juhu beach...So much for my exotic dream holiday..

Image Courtesy: www.toonpool.com

Autobiography of a Math book

My Name is Math...Applied Math..
The Most Feared, Most Dreaded, Most Hated Subject of all..

Hey, that'sa little show-off for my introduction..but in reality
I am lying here at the bottom of the To-Study List..Over me are all the other textbooks lined up.. English tops the Study-First section always..

Sigh..The moment kids pick me up..they start making this "Fuck man,Not Math again.." kind of expression..

Am I that bad?
Does everyone hate me that much?

Yes, I agree that I have too many "problems"
I am not "greater than" any one or consider anyone "lesser than" me..All are "equal"
I have my "plus and minus"...
I too like to "multiple" ..I was never into "divisions ...
My life has a lot of "tangents" "medians" "modes"..but who doesnt

Why do people hate me?

I also agree that am crazy about me "X"
I do think a lot about "sec x"
I have my own "limits" and "conditions"
I speak a lot of weird languages with symbols 'Pi" "theta" "alpha" "beta""dell" "null" "module"
I have two distinct personalities "Algebra" and "Geometry"
I am always in shape but my life is always in "circles"
I have so many weird people talking to me "Calculus and his brothers I, II, III" Uncle Pythagoras" "Newton" "Euler" and God knows who
I am diplomatic, I think of all "probabilities"

Still people hate me

I do have RHS and LHS to me like everyone
I try every "co-relation" techniques but always end up in "regression"
I use signs for every thing so that everyone understands me..but no one does
I am always "logical"
I have written "proofs" for everything
I always try to "integrate" but people think i make "derivative"


Why people hate me?

I am nice..I have always thought about good for my people.. I have done so much good for people who love me

I feel so lost in the "matrix" .."therefore" I declare myself  "infinite"

Every point, Every zero I would make would make so much difference in your salaries value...

Think about me...

Love me for what I am and what I did for you...

My first guest post - Bytes and Banter

First, Thank you to the admin's of http://www.bytesandbanter.blogspot.in

I was casually going through my email, when suddenly one email from Soumabha caught my attention.
It was an email asking me to be a guest blogger on his blog the http://www.bytesandbanter.blogspot.in

I was so excited to write my first guest blog that I came into my usual Nautanki self and wrote a rather "inappropriate" blog post, then I realized, with the kinda blog that http://www.bytesandbanter.blogspot.in is, a little saner me has to work on it.

He asked me to go through the blog and Once a started reading, trust me I spent all my afternoon reading their splendid blog.

I had sent my guest post for proof reading and Soumabha literally pulled the tensed exam giving 2nd admin of https://www.bytesandbanter.blogspot.in Shubham to proof read my blog post.

My saner brains work, my first guest post http://bytesandbanter.blogspot.in/2013/04/the-imperfect-organizer.html

Exams

Since its the exam season now, I was thinking like..there are few questions that have been repeating for generations now..

I thought of listing down some FAQ/actions/lines's before, during and after the exams

1. Kitna padh k hua? (How much have you studied)

2. Kya important hai? (Which topics are important)

3. Aaj ka date kya hai (Whats today's date)

4. Extra pen hai kya (Do you have an extra pen)

5. Ek last sutta maarke chalte hai (lets puff a last cigratte before the exam)

6. Ye pass ho jau bass (I hope to clear this exam)

7. Abbe mereko kuch nahi aata hai, mai aaj gaya pakka (i dunno a thing, am screwed man)

8.*looking at the first question* lag gai (screwed)

9. *showing your friend the "throat cut* action

10. maine ye option mei chod diya aur vo hi aaya.. (i had left this topic in option and only that came in the exam)

11. Ye toh out of topic laga mereko (i thought this was out of the syllabus)

12. Tu extra supplement leke itna kya likh raha tha? ( what were you writing so much in that extra supplement)

13. Kal ke paper mei acha padega..promise (will study better for the next exam)

14. Main confirm fail (im gonna flunk)

15. Chit ka koi fayda hi nahi tha?

16. *in hush voice* paper dikha na? (show me your paper)

There surely are more of it..but right now I think these have to top the list.

All the best to everyone who is burning their midnight oils for your exams.

Image Courtesy: http://beta.topperlearning.com

How I got over my Dog-Phobia

I had this big big..ultra big fear for dogs from the time I was in my 7th std...so much so that I used to hold just anyone who is near me if a dog came anywhere in 10 meters radius around me..If it would start to bark and growl I would have fainted for sure..I used to cross the roads to get away from dogs...even pups..

When I was in my 7th std...on my way to school, I had a textbook in my hand..A dog was trying bite it or something..and I pushed it with my book...That's it!!
It barked trice and there was a huge army of 20-25 dogs appearing out of nowhere..from under the cars, from the gutter, behind the trees, garden seats everywhere...I was scared to death..so much so that I screamed my lungs out and started running frantically in all the direction...I went and hugged some random man wailing and pleading him to save me from these dogs...
From then on..I have had this dinosaur size dog phobia...Until........I met Rani

Initially, I was scared of her too..I didn't go near her...

Rani of Kaivalyadham

One evening, she peacefully plonked herself on my bag and no amount of shooing worked. Very cautiously I went near her...She looked up from where she was seated and those eyes had so much love...so much kindness...I couldn't help myself..automatically my hand went to her head and i started patting her...She sweetly closed her eyes and made this "Thank you" expression and got off my bag..

Again next day, she was lazing in the shades of the mangroves, the moment she saw me...she got up and walked up to me...looked up with the same "please caress me" look..

Then on...all week that I was there..I used to specially go to the mangroves to meet Rani..sometimes with biscuits for her..
5 minutes with Rani, and obviously no communication between us..Just caressing and patting...I felt that unconditional love..I knew she could understand me..
She had this "Don't go" look when I told her I wont be coming from now on...That eve, Rani walked with me till the gate of the mangroves..

Now Rani is a 1000kms away from me..I don't think I would ever see her again...but thanks to her..I love dogs now

After that day, I can see Rani in every dog...
Now, I have Deewana, the angry dog of my office premises, who has an attitude of a lion but nature of a kid and 6 little pups in my office premises

(Left) The 6 pups- one in hiding, (Right) Deewana

Deewana, surely does understand everything..and is very protective too..
One night, when I left work very late and it was all dark outside, Deewana came out and waited with me till I got a rickshaw and only after he was convinced that I was safe, he went back..

That I think is one of the best moments in my life, and It feels immensely beautiful to be loved unconditionally

Thank you Rani...Thank you Deewana and the pups
I know you would never read this post..It just my way of saying "I love you too"

Picture Courtesy: Samsung Images of my phone and MS-Paint to join the pics

Wrong Turn

One wrong turn, turned his life upside down.
That rainy eve, cold winds blowing around, that foggy road, that almost clouded his vision. The moist glass of his car, the scene reminded him something right out of a Bollywood flick..

The fog, made him miss a turn and here he is now stranded in nowhere, with a car that is broken down and the only light on the dark road was the yellow flickering tail light of his own car.

Sitting inside the Mercedes, he felt like a stupid trapped animal..He turned his left wrist to check the time on his new expensive Tag Heur.. "Ohh hell, Have I been in this place for 45 mins...darn..without a mobile signal"

And then..there was a slight knock on his frosted window...

All he saw was a lithe shadow in red..looked like a female...
He was half tempted to shoo her away, then he realized, maybe she was stuck too in this alien land.

He rolled down the window to look at the most beautiful pair of eyes he had ever seen, the thought of turning her away just flew off the open window.
Her face was covered with a black dupatta, that was wet and matted on her face. He could see the soft contours of her lips that were visible through the opaque wet dupatta. That well chiseled nose, and perfectly curvacious body made quite a facinating picture in front of him.
Without saying a word, he opened the passenger door for her to get in.
Quietly she got in the car and was fidgeting with the end of her wet dupatta.

After 20 minutes of silence, the night started to creep in, crickets starting to chirp around, fog started to clear. In the stillness of the car, he slowly tried to lean over her to kiss her... and she gave him this startled frightened  look and said....





"Papa, Mei hu Chinky....Bike kharab ho gai thi...Aapko dekh k aa gai mei..."
(Daddy, Its me Chinky, My bike broke down and came her when I saw you)
 LMAO

Picture Courtesy: www.googleimages.com

Stupid Auto Correct..Stupified Auto Correct..What DAFAQ

Recently, about a few months back. I got myself an Android touch phone. I totally love this phone except fot the Auto-correct mode.
This Auto-Correct button is right beside the space bar button. So, many a times when I try to punch a space, the Auto-Correct button gets pushed and BullS**t happens.

My Auto-correct changes the nicest words to something vulgar and slangs to something nice.

It kills me of embarrasment.
Like for example

1. Fuck becomes FRUCTOSE

2. Sorry, Auto Correct becomes Sorry, Auto C*NT

3. Mail me the pics becomes MALE me the DICKS

4. Im at the doc becomes Im at the DICK

5. Sorry Sir becomes Sorry SUCK

6. Kal mil muje becomes COAL MILL MAZE

7. The uniform is blue becomes the UNICORN is blue

8. Get your pants washed becomes Get your PEN*S washed

9. Inner Peace becomes Inner PEN*S

10. We plan to group at the beach becomes We plan to GROPE at the beach

11. She is a Public Relations Head becomes she is PUBIC Relations DEAD

12. I miss you alot becomes I miss you CLIT

13. That actor Dennis Quaid becomes That actor Dennis QUAIL / QUID / QUADRAPLE

14.  Its a drag race becomes Its  FROG race

15. I streaked my hair red becomes I FREAKED my hair red

16. That pkg will be delivered today becomes The PIG will be delivered today

17. Im having dinner becomes Im having DINOSAUR

18. Im a permanent employee became Im a PREGNANT employee

19. She is the best became She is the BUST

20. Im in the elevator became Im in the ELEPHANT

21. I got it this Monday became I got it this MANB**BS

22. Had a nice walk on the beach became Had a NUDE walk on the beach

23. I got the cake became I got the COCK

24. I love gossips became I love GOAT SHEEP

25. We are fasting became We are FARTING
 
That's the worst I could think of for now...Will update some huge Epic failure moments if it occurs (Thought I hope it doesn't)....

Dang, You Auto Correct...

PS: The above data is collected from the messages sent to my friends and family on Whatsapp/Sms/Gtalk etc....

Valentine Special: My Chatroom Girl

Every Valentine's day does deserve a love story. Mine is not exactly what I would call a love story, it more like a dumb story of ego, confusion, ignorance, and too much reliability on others opinion than the opinion of my heart.

I still remember the day so clearly, It was a lovely winter evening when I was fooling around on the Yahoo Chat. Her id suddenly caught my attention, honkoponkoponk Yea, this was her id.
I didn't know whether it was a guy or a girl or what. I just loved the id, so I pinged the honkoponkoponk and got a reply.
After 45 mins of our chat I realized, that she is the one I want to be with. I had not seen her picture, I had not heard her voice, I didn't know if she was for real or a prank id.
All I knew was, I want to be with this honkoponkoponk.

I was in Nashik, and she was in Mumbai then. After that day we started chatting almost everyday. One day without a chat with her would be one of the most dreaded days then. I wanted to hang on every letter she typed. It was something about the way she said things, something about  the way she understood me even without seeing me. She could sense my mood so perfectly, her words then made me forget all my worries. The world just seem to be perfect in my small little cyber world.
I was madly in love with her. Now, all my friends knew that I was crazy about this mystery honkoponkoponk.

 But, I could never gather enough courage to tell her that. My friends said that she might not be the one for me. Their opinion hazed my love for her, I was confused. She wasn't giving me any signs that she feels anything me either, my ego was too strong to see that one day I might push her away.


After chatting for 1 year 3 months and 22 days,popped up the name Honkoponkoponk  with a HeyHo on the chat, I could sense that she wanted to eagerly tell my something.
Hell broke loose on me..
She is engaged to be married...my heart started beating wild, my head felt heavy and dizzy,... No No...No...this cant be happening to me... I have lived every breathing moment dreaming of a perfect life with her....Maybe God sensed my feelings and the internet line went dead....

I was heartbroken, out of frustration of being left alone I got married to another woman that year. Someone I never loved.

On 18th November, she pinged me suddenly, her name honkoponkoponk on my screen, brought back all the memories, tears appeared out of nowhere, She just wrote one paragraph and vanished.

Hi, I just wanted to tell you that my wedding was called off after 3 months, I wanted to tell you that I loved you always. I didn't know if you felt the same. You told me that your friends think am not good enough for you, so I never told you how I felt. I wanted to know what you think. I tried to tell you in subtle ways that I love you but you always changed the topic. I lost hope. I know you are married. I have checked your Facebook a 100 times all this while. I had to tell you that I love you one last time. Good bye Krishy.

My heart stopped beating then, the room started spinning..my stupid ego, others opinions, ignorance about her feelings,... all this was too overwhelming. I wanted to scream and cry real loud. I clenched my chest so hard, that my heart would have bursted out. I fell on the floor weeping for losing the only woman I ever truly loved.
That was the last time I ever saw my honkoponkoponk. 

Now, even the id doesn't exist. I have still not seen her, I have heard her voice though. I will never forget that lovely, sweet, honey-dipped voice.
She will always remain in my heart as My love....My Honkoponkoponk....

Happy Valentines Day Sweetheart!!!!

Image Courtesy: Google Images/Yahoo chat window

Being Indian

I was traveling to Pune and this guy next to me in the bus got chatty... and suddenly he asked me

He: "Are you a Maharastrian?"
Me: "No, Im a Tamilian"

His eyes grew as huge as saucers and he had this expression as if an alien had descended in our bus, and is sitting on my head..

Me: " What? why this expression?"
Him: "you don't have the typical Madhrasi looks"
Me: "and what exactly is a typical (emphasizing on the word) MADHRASI looks?"

People have so many preconceived notions, like for people is Maharashtra and above..like north and eastern parts..any states below the belt of Madhya Pradesh is Madhras (Madras a.k.a Chennai)

For now lets just separate, Northies and Southies
Northies = All and sundry above Karnataka
Southies = All and sundry below Karnataka, including Karnataka


Him: "You are a Tamilian, so you speak Tulu, right?"
Me: "I'm a Tamilian, and I speak Tamil"
Him: "Tamil and Tulu mei difference hi kya hai?" (Not much difference between Tamil and Tulu right)
Me: "Utna hi jitna Hindi and Gujarati mei hota hai" (Not much, its only as different as Hindi and Gujarati)
Him: "But, you dont have that accent, neither do you look so"
Me: "Reality Check mister, most of my people do not have accents and really what do you expect, me to sport a 9 yard saree?"

For the Northies, Karnataka and Andra Pradesh, Kerala, Tamilnadu is one,
Tulu + Kannada + Telugu + Tamil + Malayalam = Anda Gundu

For the Southies,
Marathi + Gujarati + Hindi + Bihari + Haryanvi + Every other language = Hindi (Indhi to be accurate)

Like, now you...yea you...the one reading this post...
close your eyes and imagine a South Indian Man and a South Indian woman..
Typically, the man is wearing a lungi, folded on this knees and tied to his waist, 3 lines of vibhuti (holy ash) on his forehead, having big bushy mustache, and saying "Yenna Rascala"
The woman, clad in kanchiveeram saree, jasmine garden on her head, lots of gold on her, a huge nose ring, 1 line of vibhuti on her forehead, just above the huge round red bindi and saying "aiiyyooooo vanakaam"

Now tell me, how many real life South Indians do you know who sport this look in their daily life? No one right...

Lets just go state wise for people's general notions about other states,
Kerala = Nariyal (coconut), Back waters and  80% men working in Gulf
Tamilnadu = Rajnikaant
Karnataka + Andra Pradesh = merges into one and becomes Bangalore and Hyderabad = IT city and Biryani
Maharashtra = Mumbai = Bollywood and Local trains
Goa = Beach, Babes and Beer
Madhya Pradesh = IAS officers
Rajasthan = Palace
Gujarat = Dhanda, bijness (business), rokda, paisa (money), ghatiya, dhokla, dandiya
West Bengal = Red and white saree, fish, Durga pooja and Roshogolla (bengali sweets)
Uttar Pradesh + Bihar + Haryana = Gangsters and Desi Guns
Punjab = Paneer, bhangra and Trucks
Mizoram + Sikkim + Meghalaya + Tripura + Nagaland + Arunachal Pradesh = Far Far Far East (These are like exotic states)
Jammu &  Kashmir = Army and Terrorists

I think that's about it, about the general notions of people across our country. I mean there is so much more than just these insane notions...

What do I say.. We love the way we are..We love India the way it is..We crib..We rant..but still we stand united during crisis..We love our flag..We love our military...We love our cricket team...

We love to chant BHARAT MATA KI JAI .... JAI HIND!!!!!



Image courtesy: www.mapsofindia.com

Philosopher in me rose 5 months back...

I wrote this I think 5 months back.... and emailed this to a friend.... 99% times I dont remember what I write...seriously...I write on "spur of the moment" situation....

I was going through my emails when I found this....and I was like...dafaq...did I write this....woaaahhhh Im a genius (pats to me)

We all meet someone new everyday.. yet sometimes we feel left out..

Thousands of reasons to be happy...yet someone's tears makes us forget all those reasons..

Many a time we couldn't speak what we actually want to...

And sometimes we fail to express what we actually want to..

Life is a long journey of meeting,breaking up, fighting, laughing with people whom we adore... but we often fail to value them when time comes...

Speak up the truth... cry if you don't wanna lose that person.. be the 1st one to hug your bestie... and take a step back silently if you see you are needed no more..:)

Coz as the saying goes...You haven't lived a perfect life until you owe someone something which they can never repay..

Genius...Aint I....... 

Happily Unmarried

You know, all this while I wanted to be married, like this November-December is supposedly some super shubh mahurat or something. I have been to at least 78 weddings and still counting.

And I realized, only GETTING married is fun..(Read GETTING real loud)..like princess for a day...shopping...spa...new wardrobe..stuff...post marriage...rather post honeymoon period doesn't sound so much fun...

I spoke to a few of my (middle class and upper middle class) friends* and relative* women who are recently married, like a year or maybe 2.
I specified middle class and upper middle class because the Richie rich's have cooks and don't work for a living

All of them seem to be so stuck up. Meaning get up at 6, cook, go to work, come back, cook, clean. ..sleep...they hardly even get to have a proper talk with their partners...
and its obvious...a tired partner will lose his or her cool and fights happen...
Weekends too get up as early as 8am (god, I have very rarely seen 8am on a Saturday)... weekend goes in cleaning..attending social functions as a couple...and those must-go obligatory lunches and dinner you get invited to..and if sports...and newspapers and other distractions are through that the couple would talk...if its not bedtime by then that is...
You have to look proper too, since you are the bahu of the house

It was shocking, to hear that a year old or a little more, couples hardly even make love. How boring.

Imagine, I get to sleep like a log, I can skip social functions, I don't have to cook and clean. I can look as shabby as a 5 year old.

Yes, I don't say marriage doesn't have its brighter side, (at least that's what the couples claimed)....
Lets c, anytime sex (duhh...whatever)
Companionship (for what? movies? outings?....)
Extra bank balance (greedy people...)
babies (ohh....dum dum di dum)...big responsibility.. (but ok i agree)
So, babies are it...Marry for babies...

Ohh... then come this another set of weird couples, LDM (long distance marriage)..She stays in X place for her career...He stays in Y place for his career..They meet on weekends...maybe once a month...or one month a year...wine...dine...make out (i wouldn't say make love) because before they realize "love" its time for either the He or the She to rush back..

I mean. what is the use of marrying when you can't be together..except having the big "Married" tag and maybe a Facebook relationship status "He Married to She".. you are actually single..and at times frustrated... and and and Married people stray..Unmarried's date ;-)

How happily unmarried...... Laa dhiiii dahhhhh

* surveyed couples were from 26-32 and married fr over a year...when the stars of "being married"starts fading and bed of roses and coo-chi-coos become more practical...
* this is written from a female point of view only.