I was suddenly wide awake, in my pitch dark room,the curtains were drawn and I couldn't even guess the time.So, I frantically move my hand on the bedside table and find my phone that is hooked to the charger, I see the time it's 3.45 am. I plug in the phone and keep it inverted on the side table because I didn't want the screen to light up the whole room.
I was on the bed on my side, facing my right hand. And a passing thought came by.
What if that accident wouldn't have happened?
What if I didn't have this scar?
Then suddenly I realize 10 years back today, on 25th February, somewhere around 1030-11 am,I almost hugged death and ditched him.
10 years back at this very hour I had a perfect bone structure and an unscarred body.
Tears started flowing on my face onto my pillow, I tried not to make a sound and wake Awin who was peacefully sleeping beside me.
I am not this emotional about my accident after a decade, I thought maybe it was hormones
Maybe it was emotions of the trauma I went through emotional, mental and physical.
Maybe the tears were for the people I lost, for the years I lost, for the opportunities I lost, for a career I lost.
Then I realized, I gained a lot too, I met beautiful people, I got closer to my family, I got closer to my inner self, I got my real friends who stood by me. I go my confidence and the courage to face anything I life head on.
I don't know if I should be happy that it happened and I survived and got through or
Be sad that it happened and think of the pain that i went through
Now, it feels like a story when I tell people what happened, a story where I am the hero, the villain, the damsel in distress and I am my own knight.
Its been a decade, things are definitely different, positive and very happy but somewhere deep inside a silent thought lingers, What if the accident wouldn't have happened?
What if?
I was on the bed on my side, facing my right hand. And a passing thought came by.
What if that accident wouldn't have happened?
What if I didn't have this scar?
Then suddenly I realize 10 years back today, on 25th February, somewhere around 1030-11 am,I almost hugged death and ditched him.
10 years back at this very hour I had a perfect bone structure and an unscarred body.
Tears started flowing on my face onto my pillow, I tried not to make a sound and wake Awin who was peacefully sleeping beside me.
I am not this emotional about my accident after a decade, I thought maybe it was hormones
Maybe it was emotions of the trauma I went through emotional, mental and physical.
Maybe the tears were for the people I lost, for the years I lost, for the opportunities I lost, for a career I lost.
Then I realized, I gained a lot too, I met beautiful people, I got closer to my family, I got closer to my inner self, I got my real friends who stood by me. I go my confidence and the courage to face anything I life head on.
Be sad that it happened and think of the pain that i went through
Now, it feels like a story when I tell people what happened, a story where I am the hero, the villain, the damsel in distress and I am my own knight.
Its been a decade, things are definitely different, positive and very happy but somewhere deep inside a silent thought lingers, What if the accident wouldn't have happened?
There are just too many what ifs in life - some as scary as yours and some not so scary but path altering. It gets a little too much to What if everything. I have realised it is best to stay in the present :) Chin up and count your blessings
ReplyDeleteI so agree with you Ami, its better to stay in the present, but when your past is a part of your being, it difficult to separate it from you. Certain days, the haunt of the past is the strongest. For me, 25th Feb of every year
DeletePast is past. Future will only be better. Best wishes
ReplyDeleteI do hope that Shrinidhi :)
DeleteCelebrate Life as you always do.. You are an inspiration girl.. Muah..
ReplyDeleteThanks honey XOXO
DeleteGod has bigger beautiful plans for your future! Look ahead and move ahead you brave girl! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Indrani
Deletenice pictures and you have not changed in these 10 years.
ReplyDeleteIndian and Pakistani Dramas
Thank you Imran
DeleteThank you Imran
DeleteIf you wish to keep some memories alive, choose the good ones alone and leave out the rest. What is gone is gone! There are many ifs and buts in life but I am sure life at present is the best it can possibly be. Having said that, I too occasionally brood over career decisions but I feel that one of the best things that have happened to me of late is the availability of free time. And I'm trying to make the most of it before its too late.
DeleteIf you wish to keep some memories alive, choose the good ones alone and leave out the rest. What is gone is gone! There are many ifs and buts in life but I am sure life at present is the best it can possibly be. Having said that, I too occasionally brood over career decisions but I feel that one of the best things that have happened to me of late is the availability of free time. And I'm trying to make the most of it before its too late.
ReplyDeleteI have an amazing life, but there are reminders of the past and What if is always the question.
DeleteLife has a given a second chance. Use it to the best.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree Rajesh
DeleteThanks for dropping by :)
Indian Dramas are best dramas of the World, and i agree with you
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree
DeleteThanks for dropping by Razia :)
Superb "Accident Tales", though i am late to comment but I couldn't stop.. No Word to say but really want to re-quote a stanza from your beautiful content " Tears started flowing on my face onto my pillow, I tried not to make a sound and wake Awin who was peacefully sleeping beside me." Amazing. One of my friend made a post which i want to share with literary people: http://vidpk.com/best-recent-pakistani-dramas/, a beautiful blend of dramas. A must watch for all my friends.
ReplyDeleteThanks for ropping by Masood :-)
Delete