Wanted: Iyer Adonis

In the start of this month, we had some functions at home, like those typical south indian functions where women are clad in beautiful expensive "pattu" sarees (a silk sari worn by south indians especially in tamil nadu) and men are mostly in "off white pattu" mundus (silk dhoti) and angavastram (a silk shawl like cover)..

Very typically, we the kids are mandatorily made to wake up at wee hours 4am...sheesshh...why cant our functions be like the northies..starts at 12am or 1pm only... ohh back to early morn...4am and have an oil bath..

Amidst all this, I was bored and wondering...why am I made to sit all decked up like a temple cow with a garden of jasmine flowers on my head? And aunties coming and slyly advising me to act coy...and mom giving me killer looks when i think of gobbling a whole yummy laddu with a O shape cheek...Grand-mom giving that stop-giggling looks when i burst out laughing at something....

Mystery uncovers...and seems that some boy's mom is here to "check me out" for her sonny boy and according to my aunts the son is a most eligible, most wanted, perfect iyer..(atleast I should have been informed about MIB in my house)
ohhhh kayyyyy but 
if that is so then....why cant i be me? Why do I have to fake coyness?
I mean seriously, I do not understand this "ladylike" behaviour..Maybe it means don't laugh? always portray a half-closed-eyelid-look?
Maybe

Ofcourse, this "boy's  mom" did her detective work...and seems to be satisfied with what she saw and wants me to "meet" the so-called perfect boy...
Apologies...perfect iyer boy
How dumb of me to expect a hot Adonis to enter my premises....well....nothing wrong in hoping....

I  made my best heroine turn...flicking my oil-clad chipku hair....to see a 6 foot tall shiny 80's styled white pants and shiny shirt, south indian movie's villan gang extra standing next to me... *sigh*

I gave my most dagger looked at my mom...grandmom...my aunties who were obviously very happy with the rajnikant look-alike)..to top it all...i see my cousins giggling ... adding fuel in already raging fire

Why Lord Why? Why do u hate me so much?

I swear God,  (Main Geeta k hot bhai pe hath rakh ke kasam khaati hu) that I will never have an extra piece of candy..I will never steal a papad from my bro's plate, I will never say no to bhindi (lady's finger)..I will learn to make a perfect sambaar...I will get up by 7am on weekends...Promise....but please....please i beg of you..I can't be seen alive with a "bling bling right out of Tollywood B grade movie side-kick"

No, Im not being mean to the guy..im just in my self pity mode so, Please say Tatasthu and send me an Loving, caring, settled, Iyer Adonis..

Amen!!

Guest Blogger - Im not Perfect, but I love you

My Guest Blogger. Kaivan Kapadia

This is the First guest post by a very darling friend Kaivan Kapadia .I dinno there was a mind blowing poet in him. Here it is...His special dedication to me :D
Thanks Kaivu for sending me this special poem. Love ya

I Am Not A Perfect Person, 
There are Many Things I Wish I Neva Did, 

But there is this one thing with my life I can Bid , 
And Loving U Is That Thing, 
You are The One Who Got My Life The Bling, 

And Every time I Am Sad And Taken Back 
Your The Song My Heart Would Sing, 
I Remember That Phase When 
All I Wanted Was Ur Call When My Phone Did The Tring, 

We Loved With All We Had,
We Will Always Be Connected With That String, 
Trust Me Baby Girl No Matter What U Say

 It's Wasn't Fake It Wasn't A Fling,
 I Wish We Neva Fought Neva Got In This Spot, 
My Life Line To Me Now Feels Like A Dot...

-Kaivan Kapadia

My First Short Story - The Hidden Identity

With the recommendation and encouragement of a very nice friend of mine. I am trying my hand on my first SHORT STORY.

He sat there in the shady corner of the alley with his head on his hands wondering, what he had done and why. He knew this happened in the heat of the moment, it wasn't intentional, but how will he prove it.

He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror of the hotel back door, the mirror reflected his blood smeared hands, his stained shirt, and teary stained face.

Two blocks away, he heard police sirens, something in his mind made him want to see what was happening. Cops bustling around, the Caution Barricade yellow tapes being put up. Somehow, these goings made him so nervous that he wanted to scream out real loud, beads of perspiration broke out on his forehead, he closed his eyes and replayed the whole scene in his head all over again for the billionth time.

It was 11.34pm when he checked his phone for Aliah's message, she was in trouble again, but this time he sensed something serious. He brushed the sinking feeling from his mind and thought "she should have been her 15 minutes back"
He had the money she wanted and the .45 ACP handgun for her safety.

Suddenly, he saw a man approaching from the dark and dragging along a limp body of a woman. In that, moonlit street he knew that woman was Aliah.
He could feel it now, when its too late, that it was love that he felt for her but never acknowledged it. This new realization and the anger that she had been killed made him pull out the handgun and aim at the man who killed her..

BANG!!! BANG!! BANG!!!

The sound of 3 gunshots fired resonated in the silence of the night.
Things went still
He had killed him.

Open Letter to match-makers

Dear People who think they are matchmakers,

I don't know what makes you actually walk up to me every time you see me at weddings, at pooja's, on the road..anywhere actually..and ask me "beta, ladke dekhna kaise chal raha hai"

I know you are supremely "concerned": about me being married but please it would be a pleasure to not pop up in front of me just anywhere and asking me this question every time..and pledge to find a suitable guy for me..Seriously don't trouble your dung-filled head so much for me...

Or is it maybe that you are so bored with you "happily married" life so much that you cant see other unmarried's happy..
Maybe you miss your single life so much that it gets on your nerves to see a happy single flirting and getting all the attention..
If you think you are being sarcastic by asking me marriage then let me tell you...You suck... that too big time
Whatever it is..its your bad...

Now, let me open your eyes to a few things..
Next time i might lose my cool and say sumthng nasty that I actually say aloud in my head...if only you could hear my head speak...you would never face me ever in this life...
The smile you see on my face is not a blush its simply a smirk..I call it the fuck-off smile

Now, that you have taken upon yourself to find me a mate..you need to know...I really am as crazy as i look maybe a bit more...and I am too choosy when it comes to men..
All those who have tried have almost given up...including my harrowed parents..pity
You wanna try and burn your finger...welcome abode..

If ever I hurt you by rejecting your bald, fat, toothless, bore, narrow minded, 36 year old 5th couzin of your 3rd uncles's wife's brother's sister-in-laws husband's cousin brother's son..then am so sorry to hurt your match making sentiments....its just my subtle way of saying Do not try again

Sincerely Yours
DeeDee

Save Money (paisa bachao, chindi bano)

I and one of my girl pals were having a chat about "conscious spending"..
That's one area that I invariably fail..that too miserably...

Every month I promise myself
"Girl, you are not taking a rick, take a bus or a sharing"
"Whoa woman...don't go on an online or offline shopping spree"
"Hey, you are growing fat...No eating out...let that pizza and subway be"

But end up splurging enough to put my account balance to shame..

On 6th July 2012, we both chicks decided to pull each other off unwanted money spending..
I call it "Paisa Bachao Andolan"..

How? We had no idea..

We decided on the tried and tested "Maintain a Diary" method...I had tried this..after precisely a week of decent entry..moment the first weekend comes diary vanishes automatically

Then we decided to keep minimal money in out purses..or else hide those 500 and 100 notes in a place that we might forget and get it as a surprise some day.
We set a target as in spend only Rs. 40 per day, anything more than that we get punished.
We decided as a punishment for over-spending we would keep our cellphones at home the next day.

We even made an excel sheet for tracking our expenses.

Week 1: 100% Success
Week 2: 100% success (grin)
Week 3: Tuesday phone stayed home coz Monday I couldn't resist pani puri, Saturday phone stayed home, again pani-puri the culprit (small smile)
Week 4: 100% success (toothy ear to ear grin)

31st July 2012: An embarrassing war dance..woooooohooooo..This is Sparta and I am a Spartan..wooooohoooo (dont ask me where the Sparta thing came from I am just too happy to have my Mission accomplished)

I should treat myself an ice-cream....

He + Her = ?

When you think, I can hear those thoughts...you cant hear me sooth you in your pain..You cant hear me cry, when you cry..You cant feel my heart..but I know you..I know your story...I know how I came here...

I heard you say all this to your Doctor....

You met him at a friends party...dashing...dynamic...all masculine...sexy...suave...
You were constantly eying him in that party..flirting with him..then he looked at you...with all eyes full of admiration for you when he scanned you all over...you blushed then...am sure you must have looked very cute then..You then behaved as if you didn't notice the raw emotion on his face that tingled you very being..
Your friend then introduced you both..you exchanged numbers...In 2 days, he called you..

I know what you are thinking now...about that man..his lingering touch...the admiring look that he gave...words that melted you in his arms...that raw look of wanting you in every way possible..
You loved him always...without even knowing his intentions..
You believed his every word...
You felt that tinge of excitement of something wild that was to happen..Something dangerous yet wonderful...

Then it happened...He was a master of seduction..when he felt you all over..kissed every part of you..you didn't realize when you lost control over yourself...and when he savored you in every way....

You didn't realize then...But I was already born...in you...

Today, I say all this because..After 3 months,being a part of every emotion you felt, taking in every breath you took, feeling every heart beat..

YOU ARE GOING TO KILL ME MOM....For no fault of mine...I hate the word Abortion..Trust me Mom, I tried to protect you from all what he did to you..

He didn't love you,mom...but you still love him
He always hurt you..but you still love him..
He left you..You still yearn for him..


I love you ..but you going to kill me
I promised myself never to hurt you...but you going to hurt me..
I would never leave you mom...but you gonna leave me..

Don't you love me mom?...Am I nothing to you?..

Im scared mom...This sharp scissor, it hurts mom....Please don't do this...Please...don't....Mom.....I.Love.............................


Note: Why I wrote this? I met a doctor who showed astonishing number abortions that happen these days.
Women may have reasons to abort...but what about the pain the baby feels?...whose responsibility was it? what was its fault that it got conceived to two very irresponsible people? 
Maybe it wanted to live, love, care and share..But, it never will...Never.... 

Read on Facebook: Abortion doesn't mean you are un-pregnant, its just means that you are a murderous parent of a dead child.
50 million babies aborted in last 15 years. Its a sad number 

Half Yearly "Returns"

This post was inspired from a status on Facebook that read "

Half the year has gone by...how was the first half for everyone?

It looks as if 2012 just started..with people saying 2012 is going to be the end...last...Doom's year blah blah...We are all gonna be swallowed on 21.12.2012 so,predicted by the Mayan's.
Seems I just celebrated my birthday in January...
Its really amazing to think how time can pass by so soon...its Mid-year already and so many things have changed already

My first half of the year was weird 

Men my parents got, came with mustache and beard

People came..People went

My friends were almost absent 

Met new people..Missed old ones
Saw new places in the past 6 months 

Laughed till my stomach hurt

Cried till my tears dried 

Wanted to be a bride
Dude, for that I tried..I really tried 

Half year is down already? Uh oh!
All I have is a dumb list of excuses.
 

Thanks for everything nice that I have got..

2012 you better give me my wishes that you forgot.

Conversation

Head: Forget it Dee..You cant write a poem to save your life
Me: You must be kidding..This is awesome 

Head (sarcastically rolling eyes): Yea right

Me: Shut up head, you can never appreciate what I ever create..Ahh, look this rhymes too..Ohh am awesome

Head *talk to the hand expression*

Yes! I did it..finally

Yes I did it finally....I did finally bid an adieu..I knew this was coming for a few months..but  I never thought I would be strong enough to actually do it and stand by it..I wouldn't really matter to any of you..but I did matter to me
Initially it was tough, but guess it all in the mind..

Ok now..you must be wondering what exactly am i exactly ranting about..here it is..

Some things in my life were causing more negative than any good...99% people didn't care of what happened there..1% who care are still with me..

Still wondering? (wait wait don't click the X button yet)

I deleted my Facebook profile..{you would say "Ok, whats the big deal"..It was a big deal for an addict}
Like seriously, it was killing my optimism, it was making my life look duller than ever..even if it wasn't...

and just LIKE-COMMENT- blah blah was just so lame....

I don't want to to know who went where,
I don't want to know if you got sloshed in this awesome party
I don't want to know if you celebrated your 2nd anniversary in Paris
I don't want to know if you had 30 children
I don't want to know if you got yourself a sexy Versace that I have been longing for...
I don't want to know if you just had an exotic wedding at Hawaii
I don't want to see those "troll" faces
I don't want to see or share super weepy pics about Love, break-up or anything
I don't want stupid game invitations
I don't want random friend requests
I don't want people poking me for no reason ( i really don't understand this poke funda...if someone does that in real life I would turn and slap...)

Ohh..btw FYI..
-.Your wishes do not get fulfilled if you share a super long status 10 times a week, God doesn't use Facebook you see...SO, go n pray...
- Neither is Facebook going to donate money to any patient of any kind around the world if you share or post statuses...do some charity instead
- No missing kid is going to miraculously appear with you sharing a status...its the work of the police to find missing kids...some Missing's are totally fake
- No company gives you free bags, shoes,pizzas or holiday packages or any vouchers..
- Celebrity profiles are fake...welcome to reality
- People to Like their own pics and statuses look like the biggest wannabe's
- Guys if you are sending friend request seeing a girl's display picture then god save your soul..Something called as Photoshop does exist you know
- Your relationship status and you swooning over all our walls with your "madness" called love for your partner looks faker than ever..please restrict your ramblings to your bedroom itself....the world is seriously not interested (babu,shonu monu,coochikoo,jaanu....cheeeezzzzyyy)

Why am I daring to write this post now?
Coz I have successfully gotten over being addicted to Facebook..

That does not mean that I wont come back to being a insane Facebook citizen too .. [stop rolling your eyes]

Height of Vellagiri

Aaj kuch toofani karte hai..aaj kuch chugiri karte hai

Lately, I have been very stressed due to personal and professional thingy...but that doesn't stop me from being my nautanki self...

I was thinking...as always...What to do when you are bored and you wanna do something idiotic?

1. Wait for someone to sneeze..then right before the moment say "Pikaaaa"-achooooo
Trust me the look on the sneezers face is awesum

2. Look out for men peeing on the roadside...Quietly go behind them and say "Bhooo" and walk off as fast as possible
The men have a "What tha..." expression

3. When you see a Ticket Checker (TC)..Look down..try to avoid them...make sure they notice...and ask you for the ticket..make a face...pout..try to act like you are about to run and when they get stern..take out your Valid First Class pass and flash it to them..
They give a look that is sure to let you know that they wanna slap you real hard..

4.Stand in the middle of the road where you know you can create a traffic jam and pretend to frantically search something from you bag.... until there are lot many honk..turn back and give them this "WTF is wrong with you" look...and walk off
If you don't hear any swears on your back...you can change my name to whatever you want

5. Stand in a strategic location in a busy road with a notebook and a pen...look up at the sky with a curious expression on your face...in regular periods say "hmmmmm".... and note something
you can surely make heads turn

6. In a crowded bus, check some guy or an uncle out...bat an eyelid...give a coy flirty expression and say "Uncle what is the time"
That expression on the face is so hilarious....just cannot be explained..

7. Press all the buttons in an elevator when you get out..

8. Buy a packet of peanuts...Go to Bandstand...ana Aim-Launch-Throw behind any huge rock...you can be sure that some couple will magically emerge from behind the rock..

9.  Stand in a market and scream "Abbe Kutte"....
you will have atleast 10 faces looking at you or searching for the Kutte 

10. Call Pizza Hut and Ask for the number of Dominos Pizza

Note: All the above points of Vellagiri are tried and tested. Do them at you own risk. Any injury caused during the acts is not the blogger's responsibility.

Aaj Kuch Toofani Karte hai....

Tax-eeeeeewww

I read a survey somewhere, 1 glass of cutting chai in Mumbai has 57 taxes levied on it..Shocking isnt it?

The same day i received an sms

Dear God,
Please give me strength to pay my IT, GST, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Sales Tax, Luxury Tax, Entertainment Tax, Excise Duty, Customs, Octroi, TDS, ESI, Property Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, IGBT, Water Tax, Profession Tax, Road Tax, STT, SEZ, Education Cess, Corporate Tax,Wealth Tax, TOT, Captial Gain Tax, Conjestion Levy etc etc....ohh and not to forget Hafta, Donation, Bribes, Chanda etc.
If i have some money left then I will do my business till it survives the riots, bandhs and vandalism by political goons
Sincerely,
AN Indian

What does it show?

Service Class..the Aam Aadmi is the most screwed up thing in this country.

I being an employee of a MNC, I travel far hanging in trains, getting stuck in the rains..just like thousands of others, work my guts out all 30 days a month and get what? Price hike, recession, reservations...why?

Where does all my tax money go?

1000's of people hang in the crowded local trains, squeeze into crowded buses, go through dug up road, cut through heavy traffic, face power cuts at home....

then these shameless politicians come in their bullet proof cars that runs on the petrol money paid by us and their driver's salary, their house expenses, their wife's and girlfriends clothes, jewellery, their son's dope, daughter's wedding.. everything paid out of our hard earned money...to top it all..the politician will ask "kharcha pani" to pass my "hakk ka paisa"

Walk in the market once, these dayz the cost of 1kg chicken equals to the cost of 1kg tomatoes..ohh seasonal fruits sell at premium rate..soon fruits like mangoes will be sold in a Gold jewellery shop..

Still our govt expects educated class to contribute for the "welfare" of our nation.

Why would a sane educated man slog his ass off over here when he can do the same out of this country and get paid three times more and live a luxurious life..

They say ours is a democratic country...I ask..is it really? no..

A person who speaks his mind gets beaten, killed, threatened, exiled...WTF

And we say  "Mera Bharat Maahan"...Sau mei ne 99 beimaan" (Read: Politicians)

Mumbai Local

From a commuter's point, I have always been a "bus person"---meaning...all my life I have traveled in buses to college, to work, to wherever..and frankly I'm supremely comfortable with Mumbai BEST, NMMT, TMT buses..
Now suddenly, my work demands me to go by train...and trust me trains terrify me...no particular reason as such.

Actually i have a few reasons to list down
1. Fast trains always come in IST (Indian Sarkari Time) a.k.a Late
2. Just too much crowd..
3. 3rd class snobbish women in 1st class compartment..
4. Experienced women  have mastered the art of pouncing, kicking, hair-pulling and bullying the innocent newbie's..
5. Free massages anyone?
6. Wanna listen to random gossip? Try listening to any conversation going on in the train -- Entertainment guranteed


Lessons I have learnt from Mumbai chi lifeline -- The local train

1. If you accidentally push any fat aunty..jus give the dumbest possible smile and say a loud Sorry
2. New survival techniques -- hang on to the sides else you either go right in or right out
3. Do not (Exta Bold, Font Size 72) get into an argument especially about flying hair ponytail or a flying dupatta....Its like a Criminal Offense
Ohh btw...when the fight involves other women and not you..it sure is entertaining to see...
4. Push Pull  Technique-- to get down Push else you will automatically get pushed...to get in Pull all your senses together and get hold of anything that looks like a handle..else you will be standing staring at the moving train
5. Proper Safety measures -- Make friends...known faces..make a group...you will be safe..rest assured
6. Take care of your belongings -- Hold on to your bag like its your baby..else you will have the straps ripped apart
7. Never ask for 4th seat in a 1st class compartment..they look at you as if you are dancing naked with a chicken on your head
8. Optimum utilization of space -- I have learnt to squeeze myself in the tinniest possible crevice in the compartment
9. Stress Buster -- Crib about jus anything Mother in law, boss, women, Government..just anything that comes to your head and in return you get sympathetic smiles, nods and sometimes even supportive comments

NOTE: After you get off the train mandatorily check if you have you hands, legs, fingers, toes, hair, head, bag, both sides of the headphones in place

Have a safe a journey and travel back in One piece

Valentine Special-The Coffee Shop

She used to always scoff at people who said "Life brings surprises"...she always has had life giving her ugly shocks than sweet surprises..
She was a bubbly and pretty 25 year old who had a Post Graduate degree and a job she loved with a lot of friends and a great family, still a part of her was lonely and longing for being loved and cared for by that special someone..with couples floating around makes her more aware of her loneliness that she harbors in silence with a enchanting smile on her face..

He was a vivacious, sexy, 26 year old guy who has in a job he likes. A guy who hangs out with his friends when the sun goes down, an athlete with a toned body, a smile and attitude that women would die for..

First Encounter

She was sitting alone in a corner table of a coffee shop lost in her thoughts with a book in her hand and a Cafe Latte in front of her..when like a blast he entered and almost tripped her table...She hated him for disturbing her train of thoughts...while he looked at the "Plain Jane" with nothing attractive said a bland sorry and walked off...and gave each other occasional glances..

That night, He didn't know why he was feeling so guilty of tripping "The Plain Jane" in the coffee shop...maybe it was her big dancer eyes..maybe it was the shy smile that he noticed from far...may be it was her cool, cat-like composure..all he knew was that he wanted to see her again..He was absolutely smitten by her...

She was on her bed that night, and thinking about the brash man who almost tripped her coffee today...sheer arrogant maleness attracted her like a moth to the fire..but she reminded herself of being hurt one too many times by guys whom she loved with all her heart.

Meeting Point

After a few months...after initial longing to see each other....the moment still seeming fresh but distant...

Another fine day, He walked into the cafe and there she was, all radiant and bright, and seemed happy...He thought "Gosh, How much have I missed her!" He sat down at a table a few tables away from her, trying to drink the sight of her black lustrous mane, her slender body, beautifully manicured hands, those delicate fingers circling the coffee mug...His thoughts were instantly distracted when she turned to look at him and suddenly flashed a girlish grin......and time stopped for a while...

She had least expected to see him there that evening., she was too engrossed in her book that she did not see him coming the coffee shop..once she lifted her head off the book and saw him looking at her with awe in his eyes and she knew that she had instantly fallen for those soulful eyes...before she realized she actually blushed and smiled at him......and the world turned upside down for her

He wanted to talk to her..wanted to ask her out...hold her hand...but his body didn't seem to move...she didn't realize for how long had she been staring at him until the waiter brought her check and broke the magic between them.

She got up to leave..she turned to him...smiled one last time....and the light shone on her finger...something shiny...her engagement ring......
This unexplainable feeling...what was happening to him...never anything of this sort ever happened to him..why was his heart breaking...why did he have the knotted feeling in the stomach...why were those eyes haunting him...he wanted to stop her..but he knew now that he was losing this girl who made him fall in love for the first time ever...

On her way, she knew what she felt was wrong...she is destined to be someone else's...someone whom she doesn't love...someone who makes her feel so lonely...but she is not able to stop herself..she is so automatically attracted to the stranger...she knew in heart of hearts that this was the last time will she ever she the man whom she lost her heart to in an instant....



"There is nothing in the world so wonderful as to love and be loved; there is nothing so devastating as love lost.". - Kalil Gibran

What If....

There is a little coffee shop near my workplace...there have been so many times when I feel like getting out of my hectic schedule and i find myself in that shop..soft music..awesome coffee..facing the quiet fountain admist the chaos on the road....

So many times I have sat there for hours thinking and picturizing crazy situations...like

* what if my boss gets kidnapped?

* what if i suddenly win a big big lottery?

* what if movie types some single handsome..rich millionaire instantly falls in love with me and pursues me? (louu at first sight it is)

* what if the fan above falls....and who will rescue whom n how..?(full in slow motion with background music)

* what if people start walking around making faces like the emote's on our cellphones (smileys) or maybe actually go ROTFLMAO (rolling on the floor laffing my ass off)? *scary tought*

* what if I drive a road-roller everyday to work or maybe a jet plane...or say a hover-craft?

* what if aliens land in middle of the powai traffic?

* what if I get the alladin's lamp with a blue genie?

* what if war like situation breaks and they ask me to join the army? :D

* what if i become invisible?

* what if there was no Google? (i'd rather die)

* what if Jack Sparrow kidnaps me? (ahhh lovely....)

* what if world really ended in 2012?

* what if people started walking and moving in pictures (weird)

After so many If's..its a big But.....but nothing of that sort is gonna happen...and when i was reeling a super duper Oscar award and Grammy winning movie in my head, my Cafe Latte has become a forth-less cold coffee....

*Sigh* back to the real world...

What if I could fly back home like a super-woman....There it goes again... 

Conversation
Mind: what if...
Me: Mind...Shut-up
Mind: no dee listen na..i mean..
Me: ok enuf mind...you talk too much...
Mind: but....
Me: Mind..Fuck Off...

Mind goes off wandering.....

Aging like a Wine...Older the better

2012's first post...101th shagun post...

"XX” age  in the making....my XXth birthday (I am a girl and I am old enough and my female instincts have made me hide my age)

Whatever might be my age I just love my birthdays.. I always eagerly look forward to it.

I'd had my big "Oh my god I'm getting older" existential crisis when I turned 25 - so after getting that out of the way, I was ready to welcome my “growing up” with open arms. Here's how it all went down.

I usually make a big deal out of birthday’s but for some reason, turning a year older has really made me think about whether I have learnt anything at all from my past (that sounds really grown-up, doesn’t it (:P), and really it wasn’t until I was actually thinking about my birthday sitting in front of the mirror admiring myself that  it occurred to me… It’s actually affected me in a way I hadn’t considered before – not sure if everyone goes through this at “xx age” or if it’s just me!

Anyway, there are much more important things happening in the world, and whilst I will get over it, and I am sure that I will eagerly wait for the clock to strike 12am and expect my mobile phone to beep with smses, bbm’s, calls, my facebook wall to have many wishes, and gifts, and enjoying one of those "OMG, I am a year older" moment. One thing this has made me realize, is that I want to continue to make the most of every moment in my life.

So I thought it would be fun to do a post today revealing a few things about me while I am still younger than “xx age”, I wrote this post before, so it was relevant at the time

“XX” Things About Me ;-P

These are things which I have never publicly revealed…
#1: I started life taking things as lightly as possible. Seriousness is not really my cup of tea anymore, be it an angry family member, or a irate boss or a emotional friend…All is well

#2: Thou shalt not swear…ahem…well I used to shamelessly swear like a crazy uncouth maniac…this year I have sworn to anyone as less as possible.*T&C Apply

#3: I still talk and talk and talk…but, now I have learnt to enjoy the sound of silence too.

#4: My deadly sins are emotions and sentiments- I have learnt to control them

#5: I managed to actually shut myself off when I don’t want to hear or see the people whom I thought could break me.

#6: I have started taking rejections rather easily…not like before..then I used to hide myself inside an invisible protective shell after a recent rejection

#7: I have started trusting my instincts more than ever. It’s spooky sometimes…

#8: I have started believing in the Law of Attraction.

#9: My faith in God increased even after a few setbacks and downfalls

#10: I still watch cartoons and behave like a 8 year old at times
.
#11:I dance when am alone and sing aloud even though I know I sound like a frog stuck in a washing machine

#12: I feel more woman than ever (secrets, shopping, gossips, cosmetics, spas…) how I love being a girl..correction..woman

#13: I am passionate – seriously passionate – *tch tch* ;-).

#14:I have become an animal lover, especially bitches....suits my persona at times*T & C Apply

#15: I have been doing some serious planning about “life”…and I think I should be heading somewhere with the planning this year.

#16:My confidence had gone for a toss last year…then came back with a bang…and it stays on…..stronger than ever..The Phoenix Effect

#17: I plan to change my surname this year…..finally

#18: I won 3 awards and 2 competitions this year…how I feel so.hhhhmmmmmmmm.

#19:I have sat on the “tiger point” at Lonavla at 4am with a hot chai in my hand, love songs pouring in my ears and seen the sunrise…..blissssful

#20:I still dream of being a warrior princess.

#21:I am still scared of the dark and injections still freak my out

#22:I am quite happy with materialistic pleasures

#23:My idea of “prince charming” has changed drastically….and has become more practical and attainable

#oo: I plan to get married this year without making too many compromises

#ox: I plan to go off on an impromptu vacation ALONE somewhere
#xo: I plan to be learn to drive......

#xx:Finally, Happy Birthday to me.

:-) :-P :-D

Stalker

I leave for work by about 8.30 in the morning...I happen to see him on the road lazing almost every day...He does look at me but never moved a muscle...I avoided crossing his path as far as possible...He has a kind of scary, shabby look to him..

Until that day, I was passing by him like everyday but today he moved, he looked at me straight in the eye... I started walking as fast as possible but my eyes were riveted back to to him....just to see him right on my heels...matching his steps with mine..

My heart was goin all thud thud thud...I wanted to run as fast as possible..I could but my feet didn't  seem to move faster than it was...maybe it was fear...fear of him...fear of the look on his face...

I tired a lot to concentrate on the road but knowing that he was right behind me was scaring me to death...In a few moments...he was almost so close that I felt him trying to pull my dupatta.....I gave the loudest scream possible....the shout for help, the shout out of fear..

My scream instigated him further...so much so that..he cornered me in the nearest parked car and started barking all around me.... 

That stupid brown dog

Guys, dont beat me for this...Dogs really scare the living daylights out of me...I freeze when they are around or tug whoever is walking with me or I cross the road or do anything possible to get away from them...they are just plain scary...

Convey-or

Some people are blessed with life full of insane excitements....I sure am 1 of them...

I think when God was distributing craziness I would have been in the first 10 to receive it and when God was distributing brains I would have been in last 10 (bacha kucha idhar udhar ka rejected maal daal diya)...

Well...this is this really funny thing happened with me a few weeks back (though at that time it wasnt funny at all..it was serious business *serious face*)

I had a flight from somewhere to Mumbai and this flight had a stopover at Chennai and from there had to take a next flight to Mumbai...

I had a late night flight..like 2am at Chennai..so here my flight was this little airbus with just hardly 20 odd nocturnal passengers and we reached Chennai...."Welcome to Chennai International Airport (Anna terminal)"..."Please collect your luggage from Conveyor number 1 and transit passengers please collect you luggage and proceed to the Kamraj terminal. Thank you"

I always love conveyor belts..i dunno why..from the time I was a kid I always wanted to sit on it and go around once...welll...some wishes don't change over the years.....

Ok..back to "Anna Terminal in Chennai International Airport"...we were waiting at the luggage pick-up belt for a long time...almost 20 minutes and at 2am with only a handful of people and the belt not moving an inch was frustrating everyone....we had 3 chinese people with us (to be specific "chinese looking" men)...they looked around for a few mintues and then quietly one of them crawled in the conveyor opening..and after a few minutes emerged with 3 bags and calmly walked off...

This got me so excited that I wanted to whistle and scream Yipppeeee.....and ohhh yess..I followed their suit and  crawled on the stationary belt and got my two small bags out and came out grinning ear to ear...

Every other passenger did they same under the "watchful eyes" of the Airport security..cussing and cursing the airline...
I would love to do this again...and this time i would walk on the whole length of the conveyor belt and crawl in through the other end :P


Chennai Airport ku Whistle Podu

Office Ofish

WARNING: SOME CONTENT MAY SOUND ADULTISH..NOT SUITED FOR PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE KIDS AND THOSE WHOSE BRAINS HAVEN'T TURNED 18 YET.

In my work place we got a few unique characters and their unique one of a kind dialogs that become so patent..the the moment it is said....for a second people are stunned..and next moment people are in splits..

I being the Commercial Admin have to meet everyone from the Housekeeping staff to security to engineers to top management...and I have my best time with the housekeeping, security and the engineers (unintentionally uncouth at times)

Level 5
In this level the dialogs are hilarious but they dont rank the top..

One of our officers who has a very screechy voice and cant say "jh"was "accused" of a wrong accounting and she got so frantic and started wailing "naaaaahhhiii ye sab chuuuuttttt (jhuttt) hai...maine aisa koooch nahi kiya"

Level 4
This is this engineer who was checking out a new receptionist...and accidentally blurted out "Savita bhabhi maal hai......" and his boss was passing by him giving him this "i-saw-her-too" look

Level 3
There is this woman who not many people are fond of coz she is too showy and bossy....

We get our evening teas to our tables....one day the office boy was late to get the tea and this female (AJ) was like
AJ: "Omi, tu chai banavto ke kada banavto...." (Omi, you making tea or sumthng else) and
Omis reply was
" Piyaycha aahe tar piya, majha doka satakla aahe, ha cha tumcha dokyavar taakun denaar" (drink if you want to, i have already lost my cool and i will put this tea on your head)

AJ was stunned....next time on she never ever whined to Omi.

Level 2
My office boy and one of my security staff...both love to talk...and they have so so so many stories about their village...
My office boy swears a lot...and his favorite word is "Bhenc*** and Madar****"...In one sentence he will use these words trice..
His all time favorite dialog before starting a story  is "Arreee...shahab..Scene-shot suno na......"..His nick name "Scene-shot"

My security guy...a very shy, calm, 6 foot tall, muscular guy....whenever he is frustrated he has a unique swear word "tuchhh praani or zalil insaaan"

Both these words have become a rage at my work place...

Last but the best...this one takes the cake..

Level 1
We have a lady in our housekeeping staff..she was supposedly married very early and has 6 kids...she got into an argument with Scene-shot (office boy) once for something he said like "aap to bhuddhi ho gai, aap se ye kaam nahi ho sakta"(you are old you can do this sort of work)


For which she very confidently replied without even batting an eyelid..."aye Omi aisa mat bol...mei abhi bhi bacha paida kar sakti hu"(aye Omi, dun say that i can still bear kids)...All she wanted to say was am not old and I can still work well

Omi was stunned...we had this O shape expression on our face....This dialog is so famous that for anything and everything people have started using this....


How i love all this.....

Nosy Sattelite

There is this woman I know for like forever now..I think she just loves to put me into awkward situations where I feel like an ostrich (feel like burying my head in the ground)..well lemme explain..

This super memory, super prying, bullying, "sattelite" aunty met me at a wedding..and out-of the-blue asks me..."Dee, you remember you fell in the gutter with the bicycle...ho ho ho that was sooooo funnyyyyyy" (something that happened when I was in my 8th std)....Childhood.....i was a crazy kid...doin crazy stuff then....that doesn't mean she embarrass me now

Crazy Situation 1:
Whenever I used to ride my cycle to my dance classes, i always felt like Valentino Rossi on his bike...I used to pretend to be a racer in my head...Once, on a rainy evening when I was returning back..as usual I turned my bicycle like a drift-queen and..baaaannggg....directly put in on a woman..

I fell in the gutter...the woman fell on the road...cycle fell on my head...to top it all..this woman beats me with the umbrella screaming abuses in Gujarati..

The mean aunty stands in the corner of the road and gives a vicious smile....

Crazy Situation 2:
I was in the 7th Std and my mom used to work in VT (Victoria Terminus) now CST (Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus) and we were to meet at 2.30pm...as usual I was late and had to get a train..

In my station, there are 4 platforms
Platform 1 (thane side slow trains).
Platform 2 (vt side slow trains)
Platform 3 (thane side fast trains)
Platform 4 (thane side fast trains)...P.S Thane and VT are in opposite directions

I was in Platform 2...since the train was late....A Fast train on 4 to Vt and  a train to Thane on 3 came and the doors were adjacent...I ran into 3 jumped through it into the fast train to VT and went off "safely"..only to realize the thrashing i got from dad thanks to this nosy aunty complaining with added "masala" details..

Crazy Situation 3.
I have always had the fascinations to ride on a truck, or a tempo or a road-roller...Once when i was in my 1st year..my engineering classes used to end late and i used to reach home by 11.30pm.

There was some road work goin on and a few road-rollers around...the road was deserted (so i thought)..i requested, pleaded and persuaded the road-roller uncle to give me a small ride on it and he agreeed seeing the pouting little girl...I was on the 9th cloud on that bulling machine...felt like the mighty warrior princess...then as soon as i got off it.....there were a few guys smoking in the dark n staring at me as if i have committed a heinous crime ....and of course my "guardian devil" aunty looking at me with steam venting off her ears...she dragged me to my place lecturing me on un-ladylike behavior all the way to parents feet....again added "masalas" to my dad......telling them hoe embarrassed "she" was to see me with a road worker (as if she caught m kissing him right on his lips)....and mini hell broke loose...

I dont understand..how on this earth does this "satellite"maami come to know that am upto something?

Nosey Mystery.........

Bus ek Pal

Commuting back and forth to my work place is like running around a minefield full of landmines about to blast on your face the moment your toe touches them...how?

Well...I get a snail bus to n fro for my work that is forever over-crowded, sandwiched tired and stinky travelers rubbing against one another and at least one person screaming obscenities and cribbing about anything and everything in and around the bus.

And everytime I have to run for the bus like blood hounds are after my life or jump in front of the bus like a suicide bomber and scare the bus driver until he starts hurling abuses at me. Somehow I manage to get into the nauseotic bus and look around for the faint hope of a seat..(luckily mumbai has something known as ladies seat..."Haakk se maango")...but soon I lose hopes...and get mentally ready to be punched,pushed and battered..

In the meanwhile, Someone moves a little and hopes for a seat go up again, just to realize this person was "adjusting" themselves..I hate such people..."umid deke lath marte hai"...Then I hate people who sleep in the buses too...Cant they jus see how the squashed standees feel? insensitive people...feel like beating them and saying "sone k liye baita hai kya"..

In case some miracle happens and I get a seat...I feel like India jus won the World Cup in 2011 type feeling...coz it is a rare occurrence..

I have to get up 20 mins before my stop to reach the door cutting through tall stinky armpits..thanks to my miniature stature...screaming at them...returning abuses..swearing loudly...and by the time i reach the door I look like someone right out of the "Mumbai Police 3rd degree torture room"

Then when my minority stop finally arrives..either I have to scream at the driver to stop or just jump off the bus...Hallelujah that Im still alive and in one piece...


But, even after so much of butchering, there are tired smiles and hopes that really make this city lively.... God Bless...
I love Mumbai

The Mirror

Mirror...Mirror..Mirror

Mirror..Mirror..Mirror on the Wall...Who is the fairest of them all?

To this Mirror..the only one he loved was precious of them all

He has seen her grow from a girl to a woman

He has caressed her like no man ever can..

He has gasped as she stood in front of him with those long black locks

He wanted to have his fingers run through those..

He has loved those dark brown soulful kohl-ed eyes

He wanted to whisper sweet nothings in her ears

He has admired her luscious lips

He wanted to kiss them a thousand times

He is charmed by her slender hips

He has longingly gazed at the perfect breasts

He has embraced her reflection in himself

She had no idea of her admirer itself...

How he wish he could tell her

But, He is her mirror after all....