CTT: My husband is not my best friend

I see many of my friends getting married & celebrating anniversaries and writing "So happy to be married to my best friend" "My husband my best friend" "Share this if your husband is your best friend"
Great, Kudos for you. 

My husband is not my best friend. My best friend is married having a baby and settled in a different city.
I share a different  relationship with my best friend.  My husband is on the other hand is the second best man after my dad. My husband is the love of my life. We support each other,, discuss mundane things, play games, discuss work, respect each other, all what we do with a best friend, but my husband is not my best friend, he is much more.

The intimacy I share with my husband is something I would never share with my best friend or anyone. There are certain things that I do not discuss with my best friend.

My best friends have been in my life much before my husband stepped in. So, their roles in my life has been significant too, there are things that only my best friends know, there are things that I discuss with my best friend which doesn't involve my husband in any way, that doesn't mean I am hiding anything from him. Its just a part of me that is apart from my "married life" 

The thing is, If I equalize my spouse and my best friend then I feel I would be minimizing the role of my husband in my life. There is much more than friendship in a husband-wife relationship, there is a special bond, an intimacy. 
Like, I said, my husband is the best man in my life, I worry about him much more than I worry about any of my friends. He is my mate, my better or worse half, he will be the father of my kids. 
There a side of me that comes out only when I am with him, and not when I am with any of my best friends.
Though my best friends at times know more about me than my husband, there are also situations that my best friends know nothing about but my husband does.

I agree, a best friend and a husband, both the roles are similar but not the same. 

Movies, have created this thing that "friendship is love"
I say No.
I love my friends but its platonic. But, the love for my husband is emotional, and physical, there is nothing platonic about it.
I do not think about seducing my male best friend, my husband its a different story.

I am not demeaning the role of a best friend here, but just putting my opinion across that husband and the modern term BFF are two different ball games.

 
If I had to draw my life and the relationships in it, it would look like this

There is a thin line between family & a best friend but they fall in the same circle though but the husband falls in a closer circle.


This post is not to offend anyone, its just a personal opinion. 

Accident Tales-10 Years Already

I was suddenly wide awake, in my pitch dark room,the curtains were drawn and I couldn't even guess the time.So, I frantically move my hand on the bedside table and find my phone that is hooked to the charger, I see the time it's 3.45 am. I plug in the phone and keep it inverted on the side table because I didn't want the screen to light up the whole room.

I was on the bed on my side, facing my right hand. And a passing thought came by.
What if that accident wouldn't have happened?
What if I didn't have this scar?

Then suddenly I realize 10 years back today, on 25th February, somewhere around 1030-11 am,I almost hugged death and ditched him.
10 years back at this very hour I had a perfect bone structure and an unscarred body.

Tears started flowing on my face onto my pillow, I tried not to make a sound and wake Awin who was peacefully sleeping beside me.

I am not this emotional about my accident after a decade, I thought maybe it was hormones
Maybe it was emotions of the trauma I went through emotional, mental and physical.
Maybe the tears were for the people I lost, for the years I lost, for the opportunities I lost, for a career I lost.

Then I realized, I gained a lot too, I met beautiful people, I got closer to my family, I got closer to my inner self, I got my real friends who stood by me. I go my confidence and the courage to face anything I life head on.

I don't know if I should be happy that it happened and I survived and got through or
Be sad that it happened and think of the pain that i went through
Now, it feels like a story when I tell people what happened, a story where I am the hero, the villain, the damsel in distress and I am my own knight.

Its been a decade, things are definitely different, positive and very happy but somewhere deep inside a silent thought lingers, What if the accident wouldn't have happened?

What if?

#FlipkartOutdoors - Your Experience

Let me start this post with a confession, I was about to bunk. I was snuggled inside a blanket on a Saturday morning & really did not want to get into any action mode.

Then the husband, pushed me out of the bed & dropped my to the pick up point. 

Altec Lansing Speakers

This is my first Indiblogger meet. I did not know any blogger in person, and what I saw was most of the bloggers knew each other for a while now.
Initially, I did feel awkward.  I sat alone in the bus and had made up my mind that I am going to get bored alone.
Then we reached the spot, I found a familiar face and got introduced to the group. So many celebrity bloggers, travel bloggers, food bloggers, it was kind of overwhelming for a baby blogger.

Polaroid Camera

We had our breakfast and headed to the stalls. 

The outdoor Altec Lansing waterproof, fall proof, idiot-proof speakers and in-ear earphones were the coolest among that lot.

Then the cute Polaroid cube. Look at that cute monkey. It had a 124 degree undistorted video, something cool for sport activities & outdoor trekking. Strap it on ur head and move on. It also has this Awwww factor to it

Sony outdoor camera

And we had a range of Sony outdoor camera. In my opinion, superb for long rides on the bike.

A outdoor tent, chairs display & Samsung S2 gear watch that everyone wanted on their wrists, frankly I liked the watch faces more than its utility. In my head I was matching the watch faces with my dresses.

I was all excited for thre activity.

I am proud to say, that I was the first one to walk on the cylindrical bamboo and the first one to get inside the water zorbing too,
I was my first time of both.

Then came walking on the plank & the zipping through, which I was sure I am going to bang myself on the pole & break my teeth.
I missed the fish spa.

I made lot of good friends, and some bloggers left me at awe. I am glad I didn't bunk.

The point when I felt that I am the first and the only idiot to do this

2

3

Picture Courtesy: Pic 1: Mayuri
Picture 2 AND 3: Sid
Video Courtesy: The lazy one in the center in grey is me. This video is shot with a GoPro Camera by Shrinidhi

Note: Anup from Indiblogger looks like Abhijeet for CID in Sony TV

CTT: Kids these days

I was standing on my balcony and sipping an amazing cold coffee. I see kids playing in the garden near by, these kids with shoes and bags that have lights, matching skateboards, little electric cars.
I see these kids riding their bicycles with matching helmet, elbow pad, knee pad, cycling shoes, at times even matching glasses.

I wonder to myself, when we were kids, we had BSA SLR bi-cycle, we used to fall, get hurt, have bruises, scratches on our knees (in my case the knees had bruises forever, I used to trip anywhere and everywhere) but then parents let kids play, get hurt and grow. Why have parents suddenly become so over protective of their kids?

I don't know if these kids have a rough note book too in school, but the last page of our books were, XO (ex-zero), Flames, join-the-dots, name-place-animal-thing, and chit game (Raja Rani Chor Police), and I am sure that the kids these days have no idea what "jolly" is. Am the only one who feels that they are missing out on so much fun? Well..

I see these kids having I-phones, expensive gadgets, even their toys are super cool. Kids now, play on the phones, compete with each other on their I-pads and Tabs. They are missing on playing catch-catch, cutting the cake, saakli (chain making), hide and seek, lagori, langdi, chippy/hopscotch, Statue

The birthday parties of 3 year old happen in nothing less than Mc Donald's.
I remember, my father used to decorate the house with paper ribbons & 'Happy Birthday' thermocol cut out, we used invite our friends, wear the cone shaped shimmer hat, cut cakes, serve Rasna, wafers, samosa, cake and chocolates on a paper plate, the return gifts used to be, pencil box, fruit shaped nice smelling erasers, Combo of pencil, ruler, eraser, or some fancy pen.
But these days, there are party planners for the tots.

The senior kids getting out of the school buses look no less than tiny ramp models with sling bags, sexy haircuts, super expensive watches. They look so grown up already.
Damn, I used to have unkempt pony tail with red ribbons, one watch that was a birthday gift (I loved that watch)
I see 12-14 year olds in parlors, getting their eyebrows, waxing, clean-up's done.
Why? Isn't that the age to play, enjoy the childhood?
Its my opinion, not necessarily true, all the innocence seems lost somewhere.

In our time, 70% or more used to be an achievement, these days even kids with 99% cry. If I would have got anything close to the marks like these kids, I would wear a shiny hat and dance around the city.

When I was a kid, my new geometry box used to be a matter or pride, or the double side pencil box, or the China ink pen, even the four color transparent pen.
I wonder if the kids these days, even value such small pleasures.

I wonder what has changed from then and now except that the buying power of parents have increased, the peer pressure in schools have increased, or the show off quotient has changed.

Misuse of laws

In a span of two week, I heard three horrifying misuse of laws.

Misuse incident 1
This woman who was talking in the bus, harasses her husband left right center. He cooks, cleans, works, takes care of the baby. He is not "allowed" to go meet his parents.
Now, I think he is frustrated enough and runs off as much as possible to meet his parents & stays with them. Now, this woman has no one to do the house work. So, she has devised a plan to get him caught in Domestic violence act.
Her exact words were "He will understand if he gets beaten in the police station for 5-6 days"
How I know the husband does the housework? The friend she was talking to said "But he only does all the work in your house right?"
She: "yes, now who will do if he isn't there?"

Misuse incident 2
A general acquaintance girl was in love with a guy but it didn't work out for some reason so she married another man of her parents choice.
The man's mother is an octogenarian and cant even move. The guy is quite decent.
This girl wanted to get rid of him, so she filed a Dowry case against him & his old mother and also said that her mother-in-law  (who can't even get out of the bed) tried to burn her.
The police enquiry happened. In one of those sessions, in the fit of rage the girl confessed that she wanted to get back to her old lover and so she had to get rid of the husband and obviously the girl lost the case.

Misuse incident 3
I was standing on the road waiting for a friend when this incident happened.
A young college going couple, were getting cozy inside a car. A young cop came and politely asked them to stop messing around, they tried to bribe him, he was honest and refused to accept any money. The girl suddenly started yelling at him & said "I will put a case on you saying you touched me inappropriately"
The young cop, was shocked and so was I. Immediately, the cop called up a lady cop to sort this.

In the above three incident, the most important laws to protect women have been misused Domestic Violence Act, Dowry Harassment Act & Outraging a Woman's Modesty Act.

I don't say all women who file cases under the acts are malicious, if 99% of them are genuine, there are those 1% who take undue advantage of being a woman.
In the same way, not all men are bad, though many are, but many are good and innocent & victims too.
But, our society's mind is set, its always the man who is wrong, its always the woman who is the victim.
I am a woman and I am pro to safety of women, but I am also pro to safeguard innocent men.

ABCW-House becomes a Home

The idea for this post is solely inspired from Sowmya from LOL: Life Of Leo. The idea touched me so deep that, its been lingering on my head from the time I have read the post.

Like I have a said gazillion times, that I have shifted cities a little more than a year back. So, coming from Mumbai, I have been born & brought up in a apartment, flats kind of structure with security always, cars parked inside the society, neighbors, kids to play, being social with neighbors during festivals etc.

So, I shifted to Bangalore & my husband painstakingly found a pretty house, in the Ground floor of a lone standing building in quite a popular area. The house was a sweet little 2BHK, with a grocery shop near by, a road to walk near by, but it had no security, the people staying in other houses parked their bikes right outside my door.  The few building constructions that were going on, had their temporary tents close to our house. Their kids used to always peek into my living room & the bedroom.
The bedroom faced a land with overgrown plants, where the construction workers finished their "morning chores", dogs peed.
I have this thing for airy and naturally lit homes & because of peeking people I had to keep my curtains drawn always for privacy.

After a lot of ranting, we shifted in September to a proper apartment, with facilities, security & the one that is close to our workplace. It is a little boring area, compared to the area that we were staying in and a major issue is that mobile phones do not have a range in my house.
As such, the house is beautiful, the kind that I loved, airy, all day natural light, neighbors, kids playing, skating, cycling.

And somehow, mostly I am broke, so I have made most of my creative skills and decorated the house with say a yarn hanging light, a glass lampshade, DIY dreamcatcher.

MY DIY's (LtoR - Dreamcatcher, String Lamp, Lampshade, Bottled lamp, Quilled Photo frame made with our wedding card)

Then we gave it personal touches with cane swing, box side tables, lampshades, pictures, string curtains (which my husband apparently doesn't like). Blue & off white theme for the living room with a french window, earthy brown & cream for the bedroom and silk maroon for Awin's office.

The huge balcony, makes a beautiful place for coffee and talks or swinging & talks at anytime of the day.

View from our balcony (B/W is left side and lake on the right)

A beautiful evening with coffee, conversations and a cane swing

This place makes me feel secure. Its easier to call the cabs and the pizza guys, they area is famous unlike my previous one where we had to navigate them through small lanes to reach us. Also, this place makes me want to entertain guests.
We get to spend more time at home, with each other. It has inspired me to take up new hobbies, our commute to work in horrible Bangalore traffic has considerably reduced.
All in all its gives a positive feel good home.
XOXO

ABCW - Love you Father

I am, I was and I always will be my Daddy's little girl.

Everyone in my family knows, the one person whom my Dad will listen to is me. My father is a man of discipline. He has a set routine and won't change it for anything in this planet.

My Dad is very fussy, he wont have food in time nor his medicines, he has to be reminded and brought food to him only then he would eat.

If there is cricket match going on, he will have his “cookies” and his canned juice and forget the whole world. Those times I take his plate to him and almost threaten him, that I would switch the TV off if he doesn't finish his food.

I have been a very naughty kid, me and my brother were always afraid of my father’s temper. He has punished us whenever we were wrong. Today, after all these years, I realize that it was his punishment and all his discipline lessons that me and my brother are where we are today.

He gave us all the independence we wanted, at the same time set some rules that had to be followed. This attitude was something we loathed then, but now I realize that he was right in every way.
He gave us everything that we wanted, but also taught us the value of money.

My father used to reject many prospective men on some silly pretext, sometimes it used to be frustrating, but later his insight would be absolutely correct. I know that I can blindly accept his judgement on matters of life, maybe that is what is called experience.

My Father

My father has always wanted to see me as a bride. He has been talking about it for as long as I know. He has been with me through all my “boy seeing”. He has diligently searched a groom for his beloved baby. He has been with me through all my mood swings. He has come with me to all my shopping trips, even if he was very tired. I have seen the gleam in his eyes, when he saw me in my bridal outfit.

He held my hand when he was giving me away. He smiled through tears, during my kanyadaan. He stood by me when I was weeping. He has been my rock solid support. He smiled when he saw me smile.

I hugged my Dad at the airport when he was leaving me. He didn't turn back to look at me standing there, crying in my husband's arms.

Through the glass of the airport, I saw my father wipe his tears. I realized, that he didn't turn back because he didn't want to see me cry, he didn't want me to fall weak, he wanted me to start a new life.

Today, I am far away from him, and what will I not give to hug him and say “Appa, I love you, Thank you for everything you have done for me, I am sorry if I have been a brat, I am sorry if I have hurt you, You are always my Hero”

This post is written for ABCW - F

Short Story 5: Respect Them

Manisha is 17 and she ran away from her home with a small set of clothes, her favorite God's idol, a picture of her family and very little money that she had saved.

Manisha lost her father 5 months back, and her mother started dating another man who now started to live in her own house. This man, her mother's boyfriend has been trying to get into Manisha's pants for as long as she can remember. She did try to tell this to her mother. But, her mother's reaction always was "Cmon beta, he sees you as his daughter, and his touches are fatherly, you are overthinking. Stop reading gory newspapers"

Manisha, like every girl knew what a good touch is and what a bad touch is.

She reached a big city & got a job of a librarian in a local library that paid pittance but she was happy that atleast she had a job. She rented a dingy apartment with a leaking roof near her library. In a few months, the library was shutting down and she lost her job.

With no education, she tried applying to as many jobs as possible, but all in vain.

Her meager savings were also exhausting soon. There was a time when she did not have money to pay her rent, to which the landlord who stayed in the lower floor said with a nasty smirk "I can waive off your rent if you 'help' me when my wife isn't around. You know what I mean right"

Disgusted with this thought and the sight of this stinking pot bellied man, Manisha decided to move away from this place. But, where would she go?

She knew no one in the city, except for a school friend who had moved here years back. Manisha, looked up her friends number and called her. Her friend, Reema, invited her home. Manisha, was happy but her happiness didn't last long.

She reached Reema's house, it was located in a shady area, the house smelt of smoke, alcohol & drugs. Her friend Reema, was now unrecognizable in her black fake leather little dress, colored hair & puffy eyes. Reema, gave Manisha a spare room, that Manisha made as livable as possible.

She still was applying for jobs but no progress at all.

In the meanwhile, Manisha saw Reema sleep all morning and leave every evening with heavy makeup and shiny clothes. She never had the guts to ask what Reema does for a living. Reema hardly spoke to Manisha.

Manisha, wrote to her mother every month but never got replies from her. Many times she felt maybe she made a mistake by leaving home, but her mother's boyfriend's creepy hands were enough to change her mind

Reema "Hey, its been 4 months, I cant really feed you for free you know"

Manisha knew it would come to this someday "yes, I am looking for jobs"

Reema 'I have a proposition, I work for this bar as a dancer, there is a position vacant, nothing much to do, shake your booty, serve men alcohol, there is no compulsion to go with them unless you want to earn a lot"

Manisha was shocked at this proposition but she was getting desperate. She said to herself "Why not? Maybe its not that bad"

So, next day she went to the bar, and was escorted inside by a weird looking man. Inside there were four men checking her from top to bottom.

"Yo girl, whats with the good girl full length frock? Show us some booty"

Manisha looked confused, for which the more mature looking man said "Strip, we want to see if you can bring business to us"

Feeling ashamed to strip in front of strangers, Manisha did as slowly as possible

"Yo, we ain't got all day, baby doll" Manisha now stood naked with just her intimates on her.

The men scrutinized her all over, asked her to turn around, asked her to bend, surprisingly their looks were not lecherous. 

"yeah, you would do, we will pay you a 10 grand, 10% of the tips are our cut, you come at 9 and leave at 4"

Manisha "9am?"

All the men started laughing "9pm darlin" stressing on the PM

One of them said "Your stage name will be Rosey, goes will with that shaky booty" and the other men grunted a reply.

With tears in her eyes, she dressed and ran back home as fast as her feet could carry. Manisha cried all day.

Next day, when she went to the bar, she switched off Manisha and put on a persona for Rosey. From then on, every evening she becomes the sexy Rosey while in the day she is naive Manisha, who goes to a book store and reads as many books as possible.

Ten thousand rupees was not bad, also the tips were decent.

This made Manisha feel less guilty about herself & switching personality worked for her. Money was coming in, now Manisha rented her own place on a pretty street, where no one knew what she does.She still writes letters to her mother with no replies.

One evening while "Rosey" was coming back from work, someone in the dark alley pulled her in, groped her & covered her mouth and raped her repeatedly saying "Bitches like you deserve this"

Feeling disgusted, Manisha, sat there crying, she couldn't even go to the cops. No one would believe a bar dancer being raped.

Somehow, pulling herself, and covering herself with whatever clothes was left over, she ran across the road with million thoughts running in her head and with a tear stained, kohl dripped blackened face, what she didn't see was the truck coming on the road.

After a few months,Manisha a.k.a Rosey, was declared as orphan, unclaimed body and was burnt just like that, without any family or friends.

No one, not even her mother knew she was dead.

There are so many such Manisha's out there who resign to fate. No man had a right to rape her based on her profession. Many girls are desperate to feed their families & take up professions that they arent happy about.

Help them, if you can't at least respect them instead of violating them.

Short Story 4: The Ring (Final Part)

Previosly - A gist of The Ring (Part 1)
Vishesh a small time chemist finds a ring in his shop and takes it. The day he does a sinister looking man starts to follow him  - The Ring (Part 1)
___________________________________________________________________

The man was 20 meters away from Vishesh. He was covered in black. he looked like the reaper without his spear.
Tears were stung in Vishesh's eyes. In heart of hearts, he felt that the ring was cursed when he took it now he was sure that the ring is cursed and this is his end, here in the middle of the street.

The man was 10 meters away, Vishesh got down from his bicycle, but lost his balance and fell on the dusty road.
The street light shone on the man's face. He was wearing a mask & had mean looking, icy cold, death like blue eyes.

The man was less than 5 meters away from Vishesh, some how Vishesh was trying to scamper away from him, seeing this the mean man's pace increased.

The man now, stood towering tall over, rat like Vishesh. In that, dark night, the street light behind this man made a spooky halo over him.
Vishesh now, was crying and begging to be left alive, he was mumbling every prayer he knew.

The bald man, bowed down to now scared & crying Vishesh & took off his mask. Vishesh was feeling faint already and closed his eyes. he didn't want to see the face of death.
Vishesh, could control no more and opened his eyes to see the same man who left the ring on the counter.

The man gave a vicious smile to Vishesh & in a very screechy voice said "TRing TRing....TRing TRing... Give me my T-Ring"

A few people came running, and held that man by his shoulders and thanked Vishesh for distracting the mentally ill patient who ran away from the hospital for the third time.
Vishesh then cried louder than ever and  thanked every God in this planet and promised to  himself that he would move his shop away from any mental hospital and away from any patients who might give him a heart attack

Valentines Week Special

So, there is this new kid at work. She is around 21, fresh out of college but is still in college in her head.
She apparently doesn't know that I am a Mrs for more than a year now, so during lunch she asks me "What are you doing for the Valentine week? Am sure you must be dating someone"

With mouthful of food and in no position to reply, I just nod. In my head I am like, What Valentine week?
And she goes on
"First its is Rose day, I have to buy a pink rose, I don't want  to be too obvious. I hope I get a red
Then its Propose day, I hope he knows that, I am so excited

PC:zazenlife

Then I expect him to buy me a Ferrero Rocher on Chocolate Day
And I have seen this but brown teddy in the mall, I will take him there on Teddy Day
Then I will promise to never ever ever leave him on Promise Day
Oh my God & I will properly hug him on Hug Day
Then na, eeeeeee, we will kiss on Kiss day yaay
Then its Valentines Day. I have got a new red dress. I am sure he will love it."

I am like What? Do people even follow this crap so seriously?

Then I interpret in the crudest manner possible

1st he gives you rose & pataos you
Then he proposes you
Then he feeds you chocolates & gives you teddies, gifts and stuff to pamper you
Then he fakes a "I will never leave you babu, plomish"
Then he gets his chance, he kisses you
Then kiss turns into something and you guys get laid on Valentine's Day.

I think I interpreted it well. I am not sure why she had that pissed off look on her all day after lunch?

Story Story 4: The Ring (Part 1)

Vishesh, is a small time pharmacist in a small town in Mahrashtra. His shop was across a very famous neurology speciality hospital. Everyday he would see many patients & their families passing by. It gave a very depressing feeling to see them day in & day out.
Vishesh, being an introvert was quiet most of the time in the shop.

His monthly earnings were just enough feed him two small meals a day. He traveled on a bicycle, come hail or rain.

One day, a man came to the shop with a strange request, he wanted a "Green color" pill. He didn't care what brand, what it would cure. He just wanted a "Green pill", confused Vishesh didn't want to get into any legal complications & lose his license to sell medicines, so he gave that man Herbal pills that are good for digestion & don't need any prescription.

That man gave a very eerie feeling, his presence there was kind of chilling.
After the man left, Vishesh saw a sparkling ring, with diamond  encrusted "T" on it.  By the time Vishesh came out to search for that man, he was already gone.
Vishesh kept that ring in safe custody for more than a month thinking that man to return for it & eventually forgot about that ring

One evening, while cleaning out his shop, the ring way lying in the back of the drawer sparking and shiny. It was as if the ring called out to him.
Vishesh, then was in dire need of money and decided to take the ring for himself
"Its not stealing, he has kept it & forgot, I did keep it for so long. Didn't I? Well, I am just taking it. This technically is not stealing"
This what Vishesh consoled himself with.

Late that evening, it was very dark when Vishesh closed his shop. The roads were deserted except for urchins sleeping on the pavements, people were in their houses, vehicles parked, street lights shown and it was dead silent.

Vishesh took his bicycle and started towards his house with a smile on his face and the ring in his pocket.

At some distance, a sinsiter looking bald man on a bike started to follow Vishesh. Every time Vishesh slowed down, the bike slowed down, every time Vishesh stopped the bike stopped. His house was half an hour more to go.

At one point Vishesh was so scared that his feet turned cold and pedalling the bicycle became impossible.

The man started to come close. Vishesh, couldn't move, his voice was choked, he knew this was his end.


TO BE CONTINUED ON MONDAY - 8th February 2016 - The Ring (Final Part)....