I am The Rebel

I wrote this on an evening when I was totally out of my mind and I wanted to scream my lungs out...But I sat silently for hours thinking...and words just came by...Fingers just moved on the keypad...and this poem was born

Going against society.
Breaking the rules

But why I do it,
I don't know why,
But I don’t care.

They call me a freak;
Laughing at me
From behind their masked faces.
Telling me that what i should do,
Be just like them.
Telling me that I Should not be me.

I cant be you, I am Me
I am the rebel;
Simply acting as I feel.
Saying What I want
Not changing myself
For others...for you or for anyone
I Silently laugh on their backs
Because they dunno Who I really am

I am a rebel...
I always have been...
Never truly showing
Just who I am.
I am The Rebel

SS: The Last Salute to Love

THIS POST IS TOTALLY IMAGINARY

This story has been on my mind since the time I met  Major.X  2 years back and he had told me his war stories.

I just could find the appropriate words to put it and give it a proper end

CODE NAME: ZOE

LOCATION: SARAJEVO

His Satellite phone beeped beside him in a very hoarse manner “eeennk aaannkkk…Zooeee…Head to North….I repeat Head to North…Over and Out”

Little did the person on the other end know that 26 year old Zoleam was shot and was lying alone on the pool of blood on white snow..

Trapped in the middle of a heavy warzone..waiting for help..Seeing his best buddies being shot..Seemed like he lived a nightmare in 2 weeks..

Jus as he closed his eyes memories flashed by…3 months back

He was there with her…on his knees..at the Central Park with a ring in his hand

Now lying here..with snow falling on his face..all he wanted to do was to tell her what she meant to him..very slowly he tried to say the words "I don't know why I am saying this now here when I know you are miles away from way safely tucked into your bed… this because I really hope that these words  never gets to you, because if it does that means I am dead. It also means I never had time to show you just how much I really did love you."

Zoe went on to recall their first kiss and how every night in the war period he had touched the photograph of her on his headboard "so you could look over me as I slept".He used to tease her picture

He went on: "Well, now it is my turn to look over you as you sleep and keep you safe in your dreams. . .So, whenever you feel lonely, just close your eyes and I'll be there right by your side. I really did love you with all I had. You were everything to me. Never forget that and never forget I will always be looking over you. I love you, you are my soul mate."

After the death of his parents when he was jus 5 years old…She was the only person whom he really loved and care about.

Now when the moment has come for him to go, he slowly looks at the slow day breaking…He salutes the 1^st rays of sun falling on his face…faintly smiles and closes his eyes to eternity.

Pehchan Kon?

Am very very sure the scene am gonna narrate would have happened to everyone atleast once in their lives..

Yesterday, I was walking through the crowded market with 2 heavy bags full of vegetables, flowers et al..and outta the blue this
Aunty springs up and says "Hi Beta, pechana?" and I was like "Huh?"...

I had this total blank expression carved on my face...I so didn't have a clue of who she was..and she offered "Arre, beta, dunt u remember i had come to see you in the hospital when you were born? your mom knows me very well...god, you have grown so big and beautiful"

Okaaaayyyy...Now what did she expect me to remember that she had seen me when i wasn't more than 50 cms long....sheeeessssshhhhhhh...ridiculous..

All i did was smile and say "haaannn...yeaaa...okaaayyyy...ohhh....i understand...aahhh mumma's frnd ok aunty"

I jus can imagine...Couple standing the reception stage with hot flash lights above them...camera flashing in every 3 seconds..and the fake smile that they have to portray..on top of it the heavy made up face to carry on...Poorrr things...

5th degree torture...to top it all they are being introduced to people half of whom they would have know idea about the moment they leave the stage...whadda shame?

For people like me who have memories that dunt last more than a microsecond..for them remembering names and faces become a herculean task.

I pray Next time anyone comes to me and says "remember me?" am jus gonna stand there stare at them like i have an amnesia attack and bluntly say "well...No..Who are u?"....Wudnt that be awesum....hahaha


Just Imagine..Peychaaaannnn kon?

hahahaha....

Stages of Matchmaking

Marriage..This is the topic that is the "most talked about" in  my house..for that matter where eva I go..

This marriage ga-ga started about a more than 2 years back..Well...Im goin for an arranged marriage coz am way too lazy to hunt a guy for myself..
Initially there was a lot of exicitment bout this marriage thingy..Jus like the typical process...

Step 1. Registering in Matrimonial Websites---Putting up an impressive profile with unwanted details---putting up decent fotos NOTE; 1 foto  in saree is a must----the after some days pappa gets an email

" we like your daughter profile and would like to get in touch with you "

I did get many..mostly from either some 33+ frustrated uncles or some muchhad who looks like the villain of a Tamil movie...I dun remember any cute guy approaching (like a said cute guys dun exist anymore)...

Step 2. This happened after 6 months of internet prospects tend to give "not-so-satisfactory" (read:pathetic) responses
Put up the "horror-scope" on local community books---advertise the "girl" by word of mouth---by now all the relatives are searching for a "perfect match" you,...

Step 3. This happens after almost a year and after boring responses...
Parents go frantic---friends get hitched--parents go more frantic (especially mommies)--friends start advicing---the girl is being"advertised" at every function..shadi,pooja et al ..damnn for that mater even a funeral--suddenly all mama's and mami's for that matter all and sundry start the groom hunt for you and and everyone around you is talking about your marriage whicheva direction you turn someone springs up sayin

ahh this is the girl i was talking about...then the girl is asked some typical questions...how ru? what do u do? where do u work? what do u parents do? etc etc....

so you are next... (with a wicked look ..of course)

Few common thing in all the proceses is that
*where ever the "girl" goes she has to be "dressed up" like a "temple cow" ...Has to act grown up and demure..has to talk softly and ladylike...has to eat like a sparrow...sheessshhhh

*The "horror-scope" matching and the stars n moon n mangal n what nots have to be perfect.

*Everyone around you keeps asking so when do u plan to get married?


and you get so fed up of all this that...u end up writing this sort of a crap

Where are the Good Men Gone?

--> As you can see by the title of this entry, I'm feeling frustrated with men recently.  Or should I say lack of men as in lack of good men and having my feelings reinforced of there being few and far between of the good kind of men I hope to find.

Yeah, I'm happily single, but I have my times where I wish I could have a decent prospect in the dating scene.  I have my times where I would like to find a decent, good man to be with and it seems to be getting harder to find him lately.

Okay so this recent bout of frustration with men and all was brought on because I wanted to break free and go out in the rains, to the beaches in the company of a nice man but jus could not find any single good looking man..sheesshhh.,,Of course, I've been somewhat disgusted with the lack of ambition and looks among most guys I've talked with or know for quite some time now though..

It's just that I'm about 25ish - , I know and I'm looking for something more substantial and concrete in a guy that's worthwhile.  I'm looking for a guy who's secure in many ways about themselves and their lives and who take care of me.  Handsome, humorous and head ova heels in love wimme  (:P) …I'm also more picky about some things with guys than others, but that is my choice.  N ma mommy says that I will never find this prince of mine..n sometimes I reflect the same feelings….

Damnn it..All the good looking elegible bachelors are gone..like totally vanished…and all the remaining men are so not ma choice…

These days the only good looking males are the kids who are far too younger to me to even date..forget a serious relationship….

All good men whom I eye on, are either married, engaged, younger to me, not-so-interested in me ,gays or jus plain jerks..

God, has jus stopped manufacturing guys around 25 years back….for a temporary phase of course…as I said..there are still many good-looking kids around

It seems that the good men are becoming few and far between nowadays so I've just been having one of my frustrating times with that – blah de blah  (:P)

God Bless Me----Amen

Cakexperience

Just wanted to share a hot-dark-sweet-experience with you here.

I was feeling like sick so I took 2 days off. n I was lazing around the house glancing from page to page of an old recipe book. There was this "ulta pulta" cake recipe that sounded good to me and easy too...

So, I set my Mission Cake. And thought that I will impress my ma pa n ma bro tonight with my special dish. (This was the first time that I was ever making a cake)

Very meticulously I went through the minutest details of the recipe...mixed all the yummy ingredients. The cream. The chocolate bits, nuts. n all nice stuff...covered the cake well. Put it in the oven.

Instead of the "Bake" button I accidentally pushed the "Grill" button and as said punched the temperature to 280 degrees...According to the book the cake was supposed to be ready in 45mins...but precisely after 20mins I cud feel something spluttering in ma oven...ma kitchen was stinking. I went frantic and switched the power off n opened the oven door n a gush of smoke came out...I was like freaked out.

After the smoke went off. I peeped in the oven to see a charred coal black, chipped, stinky thing that was supposed to be ma tasty cake...it was now looking like some sort of a landmine blown out nowhere.

With all my might I put on the gloves to take ma "landmine cake" and just like the name suggested the "ulta pulta" cake overturned from ma wobbly hands and fell on ma kitchen floor on its face and all the cream and the semi-solid parts in the charred outside went "Splatttttttt" on ma floor.

If that was not enough...I like a nice girl went to clean it...and slipped on the cake mixture. And the broom went flying in the air. Hitting the water bottle and toppling it over my head and the dirtying the whole kitchen...

Nice way to spend ma "rest" day huh.

I have sworn to myself that Neva Neva Neva Eva in my life am I ever going to make a cake again....

My Train Journey

Dear Diary

I being an army man have told you so many stories about wars..blood...loneliness etc..But today what I am gonna write in you is something very different..something very close to my heart..
I got my 7th posting from Nashik to Bangalore...I had to get a train from Mumbai..I dreaded the traveling alone..I got into the train and settled in ma seat...

Then in 5mins She came in with her parents..at first i didn't look at her..i was too busy tying my shoe laces..then when i looked up..i saw her in simple faded jeans and blue t-shirt..putting up her bags and talking to her parents in Tamil...her medium length hair tied loose and the stray strands falling on her shoulders...nothing sexy..nothing appealing..but there was something about this girl that i jus could not take my eyes off her..

Her seat was bag opposite to mine and incidentally her papa was sitting next to me..i was trying to catch a glimpse of her at every given chance..but she didnt seem to even look at me..
She was very jovial,friendly,helpful,smart and yet very kiddish...it made her so very desirable to me..she had the loveliest eyes i have ever seen in ma life..

There have been so many women in and out of my life..but none so very charming and innocent like her..there wasn't an ounce of lust in me for her..
Soon the night had set it..people got ready for a good sleep..the lights went out..but i jus couldn't sleep then..all is could think of were those pretty eyes sleeping  in the next bed 1 feet away from me..I tilted my head to look at her..and there she was sleeping like an angel under the sheets..a small slight smile lingering her lips..i din realize for how long i was staring at her..All i wanted to do then ws to look at her forever..then she stirred a bit and i turned back..i still could not sleep..it was almost 4am..i thought i was the only one awake..i turned back again to look at her..but she was gone..I waited for full 10minutes and got impatient..i got up and saw her father sleeping..the compartment was silent..Where was she?

I went out..and saw her standing on the door with her hair flying in the air..she looked as if she was far away thinking..when she realized i was standing there,she turned back and faintly smiled at me..then she passed by me and her perfume made me feel her presence around me..i stood at the door where she was standing a few minutes ago thinking about her and seeing the beautiful day break..by the time i realized it was bright and sunny..All the passengers were up by then and she came back to her chirpy mode..
I so tried to distract myself by vaguely staring at my laptop..but my thoughts were going back to her again..As the train went closer to Bangalore my heart went sinking..I din want her to go away..now the clock seem to tick faster than the time-bomb.

We reached Bangalore...both of us got down at Bangalore cantonment..This was the last time I ever saw her..
I could have taken a picture of her..its now etched deep in my heart forever.

hey Diary..I think I am in love with a person whom I can never find again

-Captain Rajveer S

Just Another Fight

THIS VERY COMMON SIMPLE SCENARIO MAKES ME WISH..."I wish i were a guy"

Every hot-blooded guy would have come across this atleast one time in his life unless he is a Gay or a real loser..

One kinda popular guy of a group comes outta nowhere all hurt and bruised...he calls up one of his "hot-blooded"friends and says "I was beaten man by this 4 guys...x.y.z.and a"
This friend become the "saviors" and declare a "war" against the "x,y,z and a"...Somehow the "x,y,z and a" come to know of the "war" and the "warriors" inside them comes alive and they call up their gruop of friends and tell them about the "declared war"...Both hot blooded groups with minimum 6 guys that may increase to even 50 guys...call each other to a "mutual territory" to meet..Both the groups get ready with their armors (Hockey Sticks, Cricket bats, Knuckle punches, cycle/bike chains,bottles,stumps,rods etc etc..in extreme cases knifes,talwars,kookris,churis....or mebe air gun with metal ball bearings....or desi made pistol....i dunno more than dat) on thier cars and bikes march towards the "warzone"

The war starts with a few swears ...beautiful abuses (that will bring the truck drivers to shame)...some macho talk...Some character assassination of "female family members" of each others group..One of the machos gets offended and hold the collor of the other...lotsa shouts...screams...and the war starts...fist fights are most commonly seen on the "warzone"...Lotsa beats....kicking..screaming abuses of all kinds and in all possible languages...

Almost nearing the end...things slow down...many many injured...bruised...black-eyes...clothes torn..."weapons" broken...men lying on the floor..little blood around...then 1 guy feels a lil bad n helps the "opponent" to get up...others get a heart and start helping each other

Guy1: "Chal jo hua chod...hota hai aisa...chal bait te hai aaj....peene ka mood aaya"
Guy2: "Yaar...chal cigratte pilata hu tuje"
Guy3: "haan yaar....bahut talab lagi hai".........
talking continues...a big group of men...become friends and drink together...the bruised friend..x,y,z and a...all the bloodshed..forgotten

AMAN KI ASHA
THEY BELIEVE IN ONLY 1 MANTRA PIYO AUR PEENE DO

Sholay Revamped

This weird thought cropped up in my head early in the morning when i was kidding around with dad..
what if we have a Sholay type scenario in playschool..say Jr.Kg

Our Hero-Veeru Veeru's best friend-Jai (Same building,Same school bus)
Our Heroine-Vasanti oppps Basanti (Veeru and Jai's Classmate)Our mausiji-Vasanti's best friend Prerna (Fat Jr.Kg Classmate)Our Gabbar-Bosco (Sr.Kg Kid)
Our Rocking Toy Horse in Jr.Kg Class-Dhanno

Scene 1:
Veeru meets Basanti

1st day in school...Naughty Veeru enters the class...sees Vasanti wooopps.. Basanti on a toy rocking horse a.k.a Dhanno at the end of the class..

Veeru: Jai, Is ghodi pe dil aagaya...
Vasanti: meleko kyu dekh raha hai? Yuki meleo meli mummy Vachanti boliti hai..mele na book ka label bhi bhi Vachanti hai
Veeru: Tumhara naam kya hai..
Jai: Tumala naam kya hai bachanti..
Veeru: badi pyari ghodi hai
Jai: Bahut saari ghodiya hai...
Veeru smiles...

Scene ends


Scene 2:
Veeru on the tank scene
Our Jr.Kg Veeru on the top of stack of benches with a Pikachu water bottle in his hand..

Veeru: Classwalo...ye jo Bachanti hai na pink frock wali..isko meine aaja ek eclair diya tha....par iski vo khadus Prerna, vo eclair kha gai...so I udi maring...

Class-kids: Nahi veeru udi mat maar..pleezzzzz..Sab bottle ka pani gir jayegaa

Veeru: When I udi maring..pappa comin..pappa coming..teacher taking prerna to princi..in princi room prerna crying and crying and crying

Kids to Prerna: jaldi bol de tune eclair nahi khaya..Princi room very danger..haahh sachi mei
Prerna: *frightened* Veeru meine eclair nahi khaya..Mother promise...niche aa jaa pleezzz...
Veeru: Abbee jaa jhooti..meine dekha tha...muje to meri bachanti se sunna hai..k tune nahi khaya
Bachanti: Veeru neechu aa... I give u eclair...come no..down..we play chupa-chupi

Veeru: Classwalo...Bachanti givin muje eclair..jumpna cancel..

Teacher enters, Veeru falls... aailaa mei gir gaya..bachao...

Scene ends

Scene 3:
Gabbar to Kalia scene
Our villan Bosco to his mates

Bosco: Kitne bachhe the
Kalu: 2 sarkar..dono same building..and same bus bhi..

Bosco: Vo Jr.Kg aur tum Sr.Kg..fir bhi laut aaye khali hath..kya socha Bosco bhuka rehga
Kalu: aapka mera tiffin khalo sarkar
Bosco: Bosco tiffin khaing...teeno bhuka rehing..bahut nainsafi hai...jaao..jo pehle tiffin leke ayega...dekhte hai aaj bosco kiska tiffin kahyega....Mummy Papa K Bachhon...jaao id bench pe chado

All three start climbing and crying....Bosco starts laffing loud..All the other Sr.Kg kids start lafing too..
Bosco tries to push 1 kid..but kid doesnt fall.."Bach gaya mota"
Bosco tries to push 2nd kid "ye bhi bach gaya"
Boso to kalu: "Mummy ne kya bola kalu"
Kalu: "meine aapka kellogs khaya sarkar..."
Bosco: "hmmm...ab dhakkha kha.."

Bosco and all other kids start laffing...

Bosco runs and pushes the 3 kids off the bench
"Jo Darr gaya samjo gir gaya"

Scene ends

Scene 3:
Gabbar kidnaps Basanti and Veeru is tied up
Bosco finds Veeru in the recess...and pulls him outta the class

Vasanti oops Basanti sees this and comes out too...

Bosco to Basanti: "Tu class dance mei meri partner hai na...chal nach ke dikha chamiya"
Veeru: "Bachanti, in bowbow's k samne mat nachna..especially is doberman k sath tobilkul nahi bachnti"
Bosco: " Jab tak hum partners rahenge tab tak tu nachegi....partnership tooti...ye veeru gaya"
Bachanti: "iiyaaaaooooo..muje doggies se darrr lagta hai...veeelu...dobelman kidal hai....mummaaa...."

Veeru sighs..Bosco sighs...n moves away

Veeru and Bosco become friends and finish school happily ever after...

Scene ends

Dumb na.....hahaha

Silver Jubliee Blues

Hi All

Am writing here coz am scared..period


I am like 1 week away from my Birthday..generally I'm like super excited almost a month before my birthday itself..i love my birthdays..I announce it to everyone..but this year is kinda different..this birthday is scaring the hell outta me.. this birthday am gonna turn 25..its gonna me my silver jubilee birthday and the number 25 makes me feel real old...am already getting jitters...I wanna run off and hide under ma bed...or mebbe jus turn back time if possible stop it for a while...
I am gonna be a woman...not a girl anymore..I will supposedly be an adult..and will have to behave more mature...This thing is scaring me to death
Im confident..I speak to the clients as if i have a Googled info of my company products...I travel like a hippy..I manage ma accounts..Shitt..I mus be really old to do all this all by maself...
Ohh my..now I will have the "Quarter-Life crisis"...
I have wasted ma 24 years doing nothng constructive..I do not have a own house..or a car..I have a bank balance that sucks..My job pays me peanuts...I am not married...My life is gone..Am screwed...
I will have wrinkles...the kids will start calling me "Aunty"...I will have no sense of the new trends...
I can sense the changes already..the people who used to all me baby have started sayin either madam or bhenji...now they wil start calling me bhabhiji or worse auntyji....nooooo..nahiiii...bachaooooo
I worry about bills...EMI's..insurances..taxes...I'm doomed

I wanna get back to school preferably Jr.kg or mebbe a play school
Me thinks me gonna have a serious nervous breakdown..

Yelllppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone helppp me.....

Shit scared...trembling-------Old Me ( Btw Y am i smiling...)..Guess its a part n Parcel of 25..(not to know when to potray what kinda emotion)

Aakhir Bye Bye to a decade Welcome 2010

First of All Happy New year too All of You..Hope your 2010 started with a blast..and a nice new year resolution (dun ask me coz i neva make one..well am jus too confused to make one)..with a nice party and a hangover....hmmm....

Exactly a year back i wrote a blog for welcoming 2009..this is the link for it..
http://deepar85.blogspot.com/2009/01/bye-2008hello-2009.html

I was reading it myself and wondered so much has changed in 365 days...damnn for once I and my blog grew up..we kinda became a bit mature (we do swing to emotional crappies sometimes..but that is human)

The world saw a lotsa changes...We were hit by recession...Huge Finance tycoon leimann bros crashed and went bankrupt early this year...many companies were shut down..many people were laid off..many people didnt get a job...uffff....thats with the finance part
then we were hit by swine flu a.k.a piggy flu...it was supposedly originated somewhere in texas..(i still wonder what people did with the pigs to spread this deadly virus around the world..its was kinda funny to roam around the streets with that weird looking mask...
Then in the movie world or the celeb world we lost our music legend Michael Jackson..God Bless his soul..

Then we had the weirdest possible reality shows on brides n grooms (grouse and intolerable)
Ahhh....and my favorite part...I have got hooked to Facebook....and almost bid an adieu to orkut (i still am in orkut..jus guest appearance)

I am addicted to Farmville, PetVille in Facebook..I jus seem to get enough of my farm..its makes me go frantic when i feel that ma crops will wither off..i get desperate to harvest them (Dun gimme that look..i still have a kid deepa living in me)

Otherwise personally Ma 2009 was like mixed...good..bad..okok..very bad...very good..naah..none of these words suit..Ma mommy is searching for prospective groom...I got rejected by 13 so-called prospective guys...i almost got hitched to 1 but then I cried outta that one...
Ma best friend has stopped speaking to me..1 one my crushes stopped acknowledging my presence..
I have become whole n soul committed to my bank balance..relationships do not intrest me anymore (damnn wat am i sayin)..
Lotsa ma girl pals got married this year...n a few even have babies....*sheeshhh*
Ohh yea...I gotta a new job (applause) and my seat is bang opposite to the door from where i get to see lotsa hunky sailors *tch tch*..I have become smarter...wiser..n i have started watching my diet ( i do tend to indulge sometimes) and yea..i have started doin some cardios (for the 1st time in ma life).ohh yea...n I have stopped boozing and swearing...Am a good gurl now...Guess too much of I me myself..

Well now, goin back to the past..i mean 1 year back I was so hmmm different...I did stick to my resolutions "I do not have anyone in ma life" "I do not want love" "I am single""I did fuck crap outta ma life" well i didnt exactly live upto my last two resolutions "i did cry""i was almost treated like a doormat"..but that was long back....

Uffff......Guess that would be enough bore...Hope this year happens to be good...
Hope the same with you all too