Divine Conspiracy

One fine evening I got an email from The Whitescape with a invite for me to be the Guest Blogger for her blog..

I went through her blog www.thewhitescape.wordpress.com . A beautiful, well-worded, nicely designed blog made me accept her request within reading just 2 posts on her blog.

Off late I am really starting to like guest blogging so I cooked up this post for her

This rainy season in Mumbai is stirring the "romantic" me...a stint of it is in this post

http://thewhitescape.wordpress.com/2013/06/21/divine-conspiracy/

Love you Whitescape,
Thanks for inviting me to be your Guest blogger

I crush you...Till I find someone better

Hola Dahlings,

Yes, DeeDee is also writing on one of India's Top 30 blogs "Darlings of Venus" *Yippe, happy dance*

And this is DeeDee's second post on the DOV

Hope you enjoy it..

http://darlingsofvenus.blogspot.in/2013/06/i-crush-youtill-i-find-someone-better.html

TooDooLoos..

STFU - Shut that Freak Up

 I have a mouth that has an airplane motor without a brake fit to it..It doesn't know when to STFU (Shut Dafaq up) ---- P.S I love the word Dafaq... :-D

I have had so many foot-in-the-mouth moments..lordddddd...

#College gate
One of my friend's had built a lodge and had a pooja in there, We all were invited for it.
except for me and a friend Amit everyone else went in the morning coz we had our practicals..
After a tired day, we went and came back and met the rest of our group at the gate.
a Friend to Me: "Kahan gaye the dono"
Me (lazily stretching): Mei aur Amit lodge mai gaye the..

Loud enough for a 20 people group to hear me and assume the worst

From then on, whenever I passed by them I could hear hush-hush and giggles behind me

#College Bus Stop
I used to carry a pack pf Polo (mint with a hole) always in my bag..
In our group we had 12 guys and 2 girls including me..

Once, I gave my polo to all of them and in the end a friend Amol asked me
Amol: Dee, tune liya?
Me: Haan, Ek hath mei hai, Ek mooh mei

Again, the radius of 1 meter had a fit of laughter with red-faced me saying "bass kya..kuch bhi...corrupt log"

#Office Canteen
Conversation about the new canteen space and his service,

Friend: Uska space ab kafi acha hai and service bhi
Me: Haan uska kaafi bada ho gaya ab, jab deta hai tab josh mei deta hai else ekdum thakela service
Friend (looks at me with an evil grin) and whole table bursts out laughing

#In the local train, on the phone, in a Gents compartment (my side of the conversation)

Me: Haan Bhaiyya, aap dene aa hi jaana
Me: Haan, barabar, aage-piche dono side maarna

Me: Upar thoda hath maarlo acha hoga...

After I hung up, a guy friend with me gave a huge snort and went ROTFL all the way to our destination..and that ass even recorded the "wild conversation"

How...I mean...How do i get myself so stuck..

God Bless Me...

Btw... Jisko Blog samjha smile karo, Jisko nahi samjha jaake Pogo dekho

Sheeesssshhh... these have been the worst moments ever

Image Courtesy: www.facebook.com (Rohit's cover picture)

In the Summertime

Its summer...time to bring out those hot pants..pretty skirts..those cottons,,sexy tops...and party in a lovely beach..

Its that time of the year when beach, booze and babes are the USP (not Unique Selling Prop its Ultra Sexy Part) of the season..
Also, its time for the skin to bear the brunt of all this "Sunny" mood...*sigh*

But, why worry I did spend  a small chunk of my salary on sunscreens and sunglasses and scarfs...

Only thing in my mind is a little exotic holiday in the beaches of Maldives...maybe somewhere nearer...Andaman....*hoots hawls*...(Yea...Thank you).. aahh..hmm..

*logs in/checks account balance after shopping* Goa..maybe..

*calls up friends* Goa plan in progress *happy dance*

*convinces parents* Goa plan still in progress

*Applies for a week's leave* *DENIED* Goa plan goes down the drains with screams and shouts from friends *long sad face, turned back on my bed, head hidden under the pillow in a dark room*

And here I'm spending my summer time sipping refreshing Nariyal Paani at Juhu beach...So much for my exotic dream holiday..

Image Courtesy: www.toonpool.com

Autobiography of a Math book

My Name is Math...Applied Math..
The Most Feared, Most Dreaded, Most Hated Subject of all..

Hey, that'sa little show-off for my introduction..but in reality
I am lying here at the bottom of the To-Study List..Over me are all the other textbooks lined up.. English tops the Study-First section always..

Sigh..The moment kids pick me up..they start making this "Fuck man,Not Math again.." kind of expression..

Am I that bad?
Does everyone hate me that much?

Yes, I agree that I have too many "problems"
I am not "greater than" any one or consider anyone "lesser than" me..All are "equal"
I have my "plus and minus"...
I too like to "multiple" ..I was never into "divisions ...
My life has a lot of "tangents" "medians" "modes"..but who doesnt

Why do people hate me?

I also agree that am crazy about me "X"
I do think a lot about "sec x"
I have my own "limits" and "conditions"
I speak a lot of weird languages with symbols 'Pi" "theta" "alpha" "beta""dell" "null" "module"
I have two distinct personalities "Algebra" and "Geometry"
I am always in shape but my life is always in "circles"
I have so many weird people talking to me "Calculus and his brothers I, II, III" Uncle Pythagoras" "Newton" "Euler" and God knows who
I am diplomatic, I think of all "probabilities"

Still people hate me

I do have RHS and LHS to me like everyone
I try every "co-relation" techniques but always end up in "regression"
I use signs for every thing so that everyone understands me..but no one does
I am always "logical"
I have written "proofs" for everything
I always try to "integrate" but people think i make "derivative"


Why people hate me?

I am nice..I have always thought about good for my people.. I have done so much good for people who love me

I feel so lost in the "matrix" .."therefore" I declare myself  "infinite"

Every point, Every zero I would make would make so much difference in your salaries value...

Think about me...

Love me for what I am and what I did for you...

My first guest post - Bytes and Banter

First, Thank you to the admin's of http://www.bytesandbanter.blogspot.in

I was casually going through my email, when suddenly one email from Soumabha caught my attention.
It was an email asking me to be a guest blogger on his blog the http://www.bytesandbanter.blogspot.in

I was so excited to write my first guest blog that I came into my usual Nautanki self and wrote a rather "inappropriate" blog post, then I realized, with the kinda blog that http://www.bytesandbanter.blogspot.in is, a little saner me has to work on it.

He asked me to go through the blog and Once a started reading, trust me I spent all my afternoon reading their splendid blog.

I had sent my guest post for proof reading and Soumabha literally pulled the tensed exam giving 2nd admin of https://www.bytesandbanter.blogspot.in Shubham to proof read my blog post.

My saner brains work, my first guest post http://bytesandbanter.blogspot.in/2013/04/the-imperfect-organizer.html

Exams

Since its the exam season now, I was thinking like..there are few questions that have been repeating for generations now..

I thought of listing down some FAQ/actions/lines's before, during and after the exams

1. Kitna padh k hua? (How much have you studied)

2. Kya important hai? (Which topics are important)

3. Aaj ka date kya hai (Whats today's date)

4. Extra pen hai kya (Do you have an extra pen)

5. Ek last sutta maarke chalte hai (lets puff a last cigratte before the exam)

6. Ye pass ho jau bass (I hope to clear this exam)

7. Abbe mereko kuch nahi aata hai, mai aaj gaya pakka (i dunno a thing, am screwed man)

8.*looking at the first question* lag gai (screwed)

9. *showing your friend the "throat cut* action

10. maine ye option mei chod diya aur vo hi aaya.. (i had left this topic in option and only that came in the exam)

11. Ye toh out of topic laga mereko (i thought this was out of the syllabus)

12. Tu extra supplement leke itna kya likh raha tha? ( what were you writing so much in that extra supplement)

13. Kal ke paper mei acha padega..promise (will study better for the next exam)

14. Main confirm fail (im gonna flunk)

15. Chit ka koi fayda hi nahi tha?

16. *in hush voice* paper dikha na? (show me your paper)

There surely are more of it..but right now I think these have to top the list.

All the best to everyone who is burning their midnight oils for your exams.

Image Courtesy: http://beta.topperlearning.com

How I got over my Dog-Phobia

I had this big big..ultra big fear for dogs from the time I was in my 7th std...so much so that I used to hold just anyone who is near me if a dog came anywhere in 10 meters radius around me..If it would start to bark and growl I would have fainted for sure..I used to cross the roads to get away from dogs...even pups..

When I was in my 7th std...on my way to school, I had a textbook in my hand..A dog was trying bite it or something..and I pushed it with my book...That's it!!
It barked trice and there was a huge army of 20-25 dogs appearing out of nowhere..from under the cars, from the gutter, behind the trees, garden seats everywhere...I was scared to death..so much so that I screamed my lungs out and started running frantically in all the direction...I went and hugged some random man wailing and pleading him to save me from these dogs...
From then on..I have had this dinosaur size dog phobia...Until........I met Rani

Initially, I was scared of her too..I didn't go near her...

Rani of Kaivalyadham

One evening, she peacefully plonked herself on my bag and no amount of shooing worked. Very cautiously I went near her...She looked up from where she was seated and those eyes had so much love...so much kindness...I couldn't help myself..automatically my hand went to her head and i started patting her...She sweetly closed her eyes and made this "Thank you" expression and got off my bag..

Again next day, she was lazing in the shades of the mangroves, the moment she saw me...she got up and walked up to me...looked up with the same "please caress me" look..

Then on...all week that I was there..I used to specially go to the mangroves to meet Rani..sometimes with biscuits for her..
5 minutes with Rani, and obviously no communication between us..Just caressing and patting...I felt that unconditional love..I knew she could understand me..
She had this "Don't go" look when I told her I wont be coming from now on...That eve, Rani walked with me till the gate of the mangroves..

Now Rani is a 1000kms away from me..I don't think I would ever see her again...but thanks to her..I love dogs now

After that day, I can see Rani in every dog...
Now, I have Deewana, the angry dog of my office premises, who has an attitude of a lion but nature of a kid and 6 little pups in my office premises

(Left) The 6 pups- one in hiding, (Right) Deewana

Deewana, surely does understand everything..and is very protective too..
One night, when I left work very late and it was all dark outside, Deewana came out and waited with me till I got a rickshaw and only after he was convinced that I was safe, he went back..

That I think is one of the best moments in my life, and It feels immensely beautiful to be loved unconditionally

Thank you Rani...Thank you Deewana and the pups
I know you would never read this post..It just my way of saying "I love you too"

Picture Courtesy: Samsung Images of my phone and MS-Paint to join the pics

Wrong Turn

One wrong turn, turned his life upside down.
That rainy eve, cold winds blowing around, that foggy road, that almost clouded his vision. The moist glass of his car, the scene reminded him something right out of a Bollywood flick..

The fog, made him miss a turn and here he is now stranded in nowhere, with a car that is broken down and the only light on the dark road was the yellow flickering tail light of his own car.

Sitting inside the Mercedes, he felt like a stupid trapped animal..He turned his left wrist to check the time on his new expensive Tag Heur.. "Ohh hell, Have I been in this place for 45 mins...darn..without a mobile signal"

And then..there was a slight knock on his frosted window...

All he saw was a lithe shadow in red..looked like a female...
He was half tempted to shoo her away, then he realized, maybe she was stuck too in this alien land.

He rolled down the window to look at the most beautiful pair of eyes he had ever seen, the thought of turning her away just flew off the open window.
Her face was covered with a black dupatta, that was wet and matted on her face. He could see the soft contours of her lips that were visible through the opaque wet dupatta. That well chiseled nose, and perfectly curvacious body made quite a facinating picture in front of him.
Without saying a word, he opened the passenger door for her to get in.
Quietly she got in the car and was fidgeting with the end of her wet dupatta.

After 20 minutes of silence, the night started to creep in, crickets starting to chirp around, fog started to clear. In the stillness of the car, he slowly tried to lean over her to kiss her... and she gave him this startled frightened  look and said....





"Papa, Mei hu Chinky....Bike kharab ho gai thi...Aapko dekh k aa gai mei..."
(Daddy, Its me Chinky, My bike broke down and came her when I saw you)
 LMAO

Picture Courtesy: www.googleimages.com

Stupid Auto Correct..Stupified Auto Correct..What DAFAQ

Recently, about a few months back. I got myself an Android touch phone. I totally love this phone except fot the Auto-correct mode.
This Auto-Correct button is right beside the space bar button. So, many a times when I try to punch a space, the Auto-Correct button gets pushed and BullS**t happens.

My Auto-correct changes the nicest words to something vulgar and slangs to something nice.

It kills me of embarrasment.
Like for example

1. Fuck becomes FRUCTOSE

2. Sorry, Auto Correct becomes Sorry, Auto C*NT

3. Mail me the pics becomes MALE me the DICKS

4. Im at the doc becomes Im at the DICK

5. Sorry Sir becomes Sorry SUCK

6. Kal mil muje becomes COAL MILL MAZE

7. The uniform is blue becomes the UNICORN is blue

8. Get your pants washed becomes Get your PEN*S washed

9. Inner Peace becomes Inner PEN*S

10. We plan to group at the beach becomes We plan to GROPE at the beach

11. She is a Public Relations Head becomes she is PUBIC Relations DEAD

12. I miss you alot becomes I miss you CLIT

13. That actor Dennis Quaid becomes That actor Dennis QUAIL / QUID / QUADRAPLE

14.  Its a drag race becomes Its  FROG race

15. I streaked my hair red becomes I FREAKED my hair red

16. That pkg will be delivered today becomes The PIG will be delivered today

17. Im having dinner becomes Im having DINOSAUR

18. Im a permanent employee became Im a PREGNANT employee

19. She is the best became She is the BUST

20. Im in the elevator became Im in the ELEPHANT

21. I got it this Monday became I got it this MANB**BS

22. Had a nice walk on the beach became Had a NUDE walk on the beach

23. I got the cake became I got the COCK

24. I love gossips became I love GOAT SHEEP

25. We are fasting became We are FARTING
 
That's the worst I could think of for now...Will update some huge Epic failure moments if it occurs (Thought I hope it doesn't)....

Dang, You Auto Correct...

PS: The above data is collected from the messages sent to my friends and family on Whatsapp/Sms/Gtalk etc....

Valentine Special: My Chatroom Girl

Every Valentine's day does deserve a love story. Mine is not exactly what I would call a love story, it more like a dumb story of ego, confusion, ignorance, and too much reliability on others opinion than the opinion of my heart.

I still remember the day so clearly, It was a lovely winter evening when I was fooling around on the Yahoo Chat. Her id suddenly caught my attention, honkoponkoponk Yea, this was her id.
I didn't know whether it was a guy or a girl or what. I just loved the id, so I pinged the honkoponkoponk and got a reply.
After 45 mins of our chat I realized, that she is the one I want to be with. I had not seen her picture, I had not heard her voice, I didn't know if she was for real or a prank id.
All I knew was, I want to be with this honkoponkoponk.

I was in Nashik, and she was in Mumbai then. After that day we started chatting almost everyday. One day without a chat with her would be one of the most dreaded days then. I wanted to hang on every letter she typed. It was something about the way she said things, something about  the way she understood me even without seeing me. She could sense my mood so perfectly, her words then made me forget all my worries. The world just seem to be perfect in my small little cyber world.
I was madly in love with her. Now, all my friends knew that I was crazy about this mystery honkoponkoponk.

 But, I could never gather enough courage to tell her that. My friends said that she might not be the one for me. Their opinion hazed my love for her, I was confused. She wasn't giving me any signs that she feels anything me either, my ego was too strong to see that one day I might push her away.


After chatting for 1 year 3 months and 22 days,popped up the name Honkoponkoponk  with a HeyHo on the chat, I could sense that she wanted to eagerly tell my something.
Hell broke loose on me..
She is engaged to be married...my heart started beating wild, my head felt heavy and dizzy,... No No...No...this cant be happening to me... I have lived every breathing moment dreaming of a perfect life with her....Maybe God sensed my feelings and the internet line went dead....

I was heartbroken, out of frustration of being left alone I got married to another woman that year. Someone I never loved.

On 18th November, she pinged me suddenly, her name honkoponkoponk on my screen, brought back all the memories, tears appeared out of nowhere, She just wrote one paragraph and vanished.

Hi, I just wanted to tell you that my wedding was called off after 3 months, I wanted to tell you that I loved you always. I didn't know if you felt the same. You told me that your friends think am not good enough for you, so I never told you how I felt. I wanted to know what you think. I tried to tell you in subtle ways that I love you but you always changed the topic. I lost hope. I know you are married. I have checked your Facebook a 100 times all this while. I had to tell you that I love you one last time. Good bye Krishy.

My heart stopped beating then, the room started spinning..my stupid ego, others opinions, ignorance about her feelings,... all this was too overwhelming. I wanted to scream and cry real loud. I clenched my chest so hard, that my heart would have bursted out. I fell on the floor weeping for losing the only woman I ever truly loved.
That was the last time I ever saw my honkoponkoponk. 

Now, even the id doesn't exist. I have still not seen her, I have heard her voice though. I will never forget that lovely, sweet, honey-dipped voice.
She will always remain in my heart as My love....My Honkoponkoponk....

Happy Valentines Day Sweetheart!!!!

Image Courtesy: Google Images/Yahoo chat window

Being Indian

I was traveling to Pune and this guy next to me in the bus got chatty... and suddenly he asked me

He: "Are you a Maharastrian?"
Me: "No, Im a Tamilian"

His eyes grew as huge as saucers and he had this expression as if an alien had descended in our bus, and is sitting on my head..

Me: " What? why this expression?"
Him: "you don't have the typical Madhrasi looks"
Me: "and what exactly is a typical (emphasizing on the word) MADHRASI looks?"

People have so many preconceived notions, like for people is Maharashtra and above..like north and eastern parts..any states below the belt of Madhya Pradesh is Madhras (Madras a.k.a Chennai)

For now lets just separate, Northies and Southies
Northies = All and sundry above Karnataka
Southies = All and sundry below Karnataka, including Karnataka


Him: "You are a Tamilian, so you speak Tulu, right?"
Me: "I'm a Tamilian, and I speak Tamil"
Him: "Tamil and Tulu mei difference hi kya hai?" (Not much difference between Tamil and Tulu right)
Me: "Utna hi jitna Hindi and Gujarati mei hota hai" (Not much, its only as different as Hindi and Gujarati)
Him: "But, you dont have that accent, neither do you look so"
Me: "Reality Check mister, most of my people do not have accents and really what do you expect, me to sport a 9 yard saree?"

For the Northies, Karnataka and Andra Pradesh, Kerala, Tamilnadu is one,
Tulu + Kannada + Telugu + Tamil + Malayalam = Anda Gundu

For the Southies,
Marathi + Gujarati + Hindi + Bihari + Haryanvi + Every other language = Hindi (Indhi to be accurate)

Like, now you...yea you...the one reading this post...
close your eyes and imagine a South Indian Man and a South Indian woman..
Typically, the man is wearing a lungi, folded on this knees and tied to his waist, 3 lines of vibhuti (holy ash) on his forehead, having big bushy mustache, and saying "Yenna Rascala"
The woman, clad in kanchiveeram saree, jasmine garden on her head, lots of gold on her, a huge nose ring, 1 line of vibhuti on her forehead, just above the huge round red bindi and saying "aiiyyooooo vanakaam"

Now tell me, how many real life South Indians do you know who sport this look in their daily life? No one right...

Lets just go state wise for people's general notions about other states,
Kerala = Nariyal (coconut), Back waters and  80% men working in Gulf
Tamilnadu = Rajnikaant
Karnataka + Andra Pradesh = merges into one and becomes Bangalore and Hyderabad = IT city and Biryani
Maharashtra = Mumbai = Bollywood and Local trains
Goa = Beach, Babes and Beer
Madhya Pradesh = IAS officers
Rajasthan = Palace
Gujarat = Dhanda, bijness (business), rokda, paisa (money), ghatiya, dhokla, dandiya
West Bengal = Red and white saree, fish, Durga pooja and Roshogolla (bengali sweets)
Uttar Pradesh + Bihar + Haryana = Gangsters and Desi Guns
Punjab = Paneer, bhangra and Trucks
Mizoram + Sikkim + Meghalaya + Tripura + Nagaland + Arunachal Pradesh = Far Far Far East (These are like exotic states)
Jammu &  Kashmir = Army and Terrorists

I think that's about it, about the general notions of people across our country. I mean there is so much more than just these insane notions...

What do I say.. We love the way we are..We love India the way it is..We crib..We rant..but still we stand united during crisis..We love our flag..We love our military...We love our cricket team...

We love to chant BHARAT MATA KI JAI .... JAI HIND!!!!!



Image courtesy: www.mapsofindia.com

Philosopher in me rose 5 months back...

I wrote this I think 5 months back.... and emailed this to a friend.... 99% times I dont remember what I write...seriously...I write on "spur of the moment" situation....

I was going through my emails when I found this....and I was like...dafaq...did I write this....woaaahhhh Im a genius (pats to me)

We all meet someone new everyday.. yet sometimes we feel left out..

Thousands of reasons to be happy...yet someone's tears makes us forget all those reasons..

Many a time we couldn't speak what we actually want to...

And sometimes we fail to express what we actually want to..

Life is a long journey of meeting,breaking up, fighting, laughing with people whom we adore... but we often fail to value them when time comes...

Speak up the truth... cry if you don't wanna lose that person.. be the 1st one to hug your bestie... and take a step back silently if you see you are needed no more..:)

Coz as the saying goes...You haven't lived a perfect life until you owe someone something which they can never repay..

Genius...Aint I....... 

Happily Unmarried

You know, all this while I wanted to be married, like this November-December is supposedly some super shubh mahurat or something. I have been to at least 78 weddings and still counting.

And I realized, only GETTING married is fun..(Read GETTING real loud)..like princess for a day...shopping...spa...new wardrobe..stuff...post marriage...rather post honeymoon period doesn't sound so much fun...

I spoke to a few of my (middle class and upper middle class) friends* and relative* women who are recently married, like a year or maybe 2.
I specified middle class and upper middle class because the Richie rich's have cooks and don't work for a living

All of them seem to be so stuck up. Meaning get up at 6, cook, go to work, come back, cook, clean. ..sleep...they hardly even get to have a proper talk with their partners...
and its obvious...a tired partner will lose his or her cool and fights happen...
Weekends too get up as early as 8am (god, I have very rarely seen 8am on a Saturday)... weekend goes in cleaning..attending social functions as a couple...and those must-go obligatory lunches and dinner you get invited to..and if sports...and newspapers and other distractions are through that the couple would talk...if its not bedtime by then that is...
You have to look proper too, since you are the bahu of the house

It was shocking, to hear that a year old or a little more, couples hardly even make love. How boring.

Imagine, I get to sleep like a log, I can skip social functions, I don't have to cook and clean. I can look as shabby as a 5 year old.

Yes, I don't say marriage doesn't have its brighter side, (at least that's what the couples claimed)....
Lets c, anytime sex (duhh...whatever)
Companionship (for what? movies? outings?....)
Extra bank balance (greedy people...)
babies (ohh....dum dum di dum)...big responsibility.. (but ok i agree)
So, babies are it...Marry for babies...

Ohh... then come this another set of weird couples, LDM (long distance marriage)..She stays in X place for her career...He stays in Y place for his career..They meet on weekends...maybe once a month...or one month a year...wine...dine...make out (i wouldn't say make love) because before they realize "love" its time for either the He or the She to rush back..

I mean. what is the use of marrying when you can't be together..except having the big "Married" tag and maybe a Facebook relationship status "He Married to She".. you are actually single..and at times frustrated... and and and Married people stray..Unmarried's date ;-)

How happily unmarried...... Laa dhiiii dahhhhh

* surveyed couples were from 26-32 and married fr over a year...when the stars of "being married"starts fading and bed of roses and coo-chi-coos become more practical...
* this is written from a female point of view only. 

70 Shades of Confessions

Confession: A voluntary intimate revelations about a person's private life or occupation, esp. as presented in a sensationalized form in a book, newspaper, or movie

 I read a book where it said, its nice to confess a few things to a stranger. I am a faceless stranger named DeeDee to my readers and I am gonna confess a few things in public that nobody knows I ever did,



1. In Jr. Kg, I had a massive fight with a guy, who is now my buddy, and i tore off his shirt, ripped those buttons off too.

2. In primary school, my tamil teacher used to punish me in every lecture coz I had a pathetic handwriting, one morning out of sheer anger of being punished every time, I locked her in the staff toilet and never got caught for it

3. I loved to eat mud and slate chalks when I was a kid

4. I used to catch snails in match boxes and smuggle them to school and put them in a senior boy's bag coz he used to bully me in the school bus

5. I have beaten the housemaid with a cricket bat when I was a kid, coz she hit my little one year old brother.

6. I used to keep a safety pin in between my fingers and poke women who used to push me in the train or those lecherous men who tried to act fresh

7. When I was about 2.5 years or 3, I used to run to the cars that had 'PRESS' written on then, I used to press the sign and wait patiently to see what happens.

8. I love those sexy looking outfits in the showrooms, I know I can never wear them, so I try them in the trial room,, admire myself and keep those clothes back in the rack.

9. I have a complete proper conversation with my mirror.

10. When am pissed, the first thing I do is switch my phone off and go unreachable.

11. I love to jump in puddles during the rains

12. I still try to catch those bubbles that the street vendors blow from the bubble making toy.

13. I used to collect chocolate wrappers, bus tickets, stamps, coins, cigarette boxes

14. I hate badly folded newspapers

15. I cant give out those new, crisp, just-out-of the ATM currency notes, I fold them a hundred times before handing it over

16. I love to break the bubbles on the bubble wrap

17. I love to write on moist mirrors and dust laden car windows

18. I have dont mind going for movies alone

19. I don't mind going to the restaurant and eating alone

20. I was pondering to get a tattoo for over 12 years, but took an impulsive decision of getting it done within 3 days

21. I'm not that fond of branded stuff

22. I love to street shop more than the brand shoppe

23. I love certain Himesh Reshamiya songs

24. When am alone, I dance and sing real nasty, but with anyone around I cant even move a limb

25. I always wanted to jump on a trampoline but never got a chance

26. Every time after watching X-men series, I always wonder if I might have any super-powers

27. I love the Gangnam style step

28. When I see a woman, I check her shoes n bag n earrings first only then i notice the outfit.

29. I don't have any dark secrets *sigh*

30. I have never hit the gym or exercised in my life

31. I always wanted a washboard tummy....but never worked towards it

32. Im very organized, except my clothes cupboard

33. Whenever I need to go out on a function or a date, I perinially never find anything worth wearing

34. I have slept in the trains n reached the last station many times during work dayz (reached Virar from Dadar, reached Borivali from dadar, reached kalyan from vt)

36. I have 7 alarms in the gap of 20 mins to wake me up

37. I have shamelessly copied in exams

38. I still believe in fairy tales

39. I loved to be hugged

40. I swoon over jewellery ads and the sarees n jewellery women wear in TV soaps

41. I prefer those cheap sounding item numbers to those meaningful songs (its mood dependent actually) but item numbers are any day preferred

42. I love Ganpati dance

43. I so many times cant say directions...I have to see my hand to tell the cabbie to go left or right

44. I still use my fingers to count

45. I suck at Math

46. I can mug up even 50 pages straight (Ratta popat)

47. I just love to overhear conversations in the train

48. I cry everytime I see Taare Zameen par and I also cry when Leonardo Dicaprio sinks in Titanic

49. I love bikes more than cars...but I prefer having a car than a bike...though I dunno to drive

50. I find fishes ikkkyy...I can never go scuba diving

51. Sometimes, I forget stupid spellings like "the" "and" "then" etc

52. When am nervous I fumble

53. I have slept for 49 hour straight

54. Im shit scared of lizards, cockroaches are icky

55. Im scared of the dark, I keep having this feeling that someone will come and strangle me from behind

56. I believe in ghosts and spirits

57. I read newspapers everyday without fail

58. I love to solve puzzles

59. I dont understand finances, I still read the stock market things almost everyday

60. Im not fond of platinum,

61. I have acted charming to some guy ahead on the long ticket queue to get my tickets soon

62. I have rung doorbells of random houses in random buildings and have run off

63. I haven't used "torrents" even once in my life

64. I cant differentiate between hindi words like "ded" "dhai" "pauna" "sava"

65. When I was a kid, I used to puncture the cycle tyre of a guy coz he used to bully my little bro

66. I hate that squeaky sound that balloons make

67. I have never played monopoly in my life

68. I dont really like to travel by flights. My ears keep hurting for hours. I go deaf

69. Trice I have left my exam paper blank (Math ofcourse) n also that I didnt have anyone around me to copy

70. I learnt to wear a saree from youtube.


duhh..i dinno I had so much to confess...
I think 70 is enough...Platinum jubilee of confessions and nothing really is coming to my mind right now

Open letter to Girls in Minimal dresses

Dear Chicks in minimal dresses,

Don't get me wrong here for sounding like a octogenarian, but lately I have been noticing many like too many chicks rather chicklets wearing minimal outfits to work and college.

Not that anyone is complaining, about your rising hemlines and falling necklines.
It may be a normal setting in your college or wherever you work but really its so out of place in the local trains and a kind of conservative Indian society.

You might want a lot of attention..You might want to be popular..You might want the hunky football captain to be your boyfriend..but that doesn't mean you roam around strutting your stuff..
Ohh yea..this handkerchief like outfits do get you into trouble for which you wail and expect our innocent men to bear the beatings..

By the way, the Bangkok shopped cutesy little skirts and halter tops go really well and those doll like girls with same skin color toned shapely legs but look absolutely shit to see blackened knees and tree bark like thighs.

For your kindest information, after the initial attraction to your assets men start finding this nakedness boring and too obvious..they still are mama's boys and like the mystery in a woman..its called the dhakao dikhao policy but you girls follow too much into dikhao dikhao policy lately.

They still want to take home a "fully covered" girl to their mommies.

Im not someone who swears on salwar kameezes or is shy to flaunt my stuff..but I sincerely dil se have seen, heard people talking ill about girls wearing insi winsi's even if she is totally innocent
Please start covering yourself, if not for you then for our sanctity..


Sincerely yours,
Someone who dresses appropriately in public places

SOS: Music

I write this while an electronic dubstep track is blaring through my headphones in ear deafening volume..

Its so true that music is an ultimate route to the to the soul. Music can heal. I can take you to a different world altogether.
For me it is true, the moment i shove my earphones in my ear, irrespective of the song blasting into my ears i get transported to an unknown random world. Its like moving into a different horizon all together.

I generally like to keep my volume at the max, so much so that the cell phone flashes across a warning that "this might damage your ear".

And Im almost music illiterate, I cant distinguish between trance and electronic...nor can I tell the difference between metal or rock...for me music is sumthng that pleases me..

Bollywood crappy item numbers, to romantic duets, Hindi classics, to backstreet boys to enigma, to infected mushroom to Pitbull, Jagjit Singh to Himesh Reshammaiya, raunchy vulgar lyrics to meaningful soothing lyrics..I can listen to any music as long as it makes me happy and contented.

Ohh...music is directly proportionate to my mood....
But, personally I prefer peppy dancing numbers.... ganpati dance type *mumbaikar in me does a happy dance yooohoo*

And I have this perennial problem with me..once i happen to like a song..i put it in repeat mode and listen to it a gazillion times until i get so bored of it that I don't listen to it for ages....then one fine day I hear the same song being played in some far away place and search for it n play it all over again....

There are so many songs in my playlist in the "played a 1000000 times in the repeat mode and now just occupying space in my songs list"

Some songs tend to remind you of people...yea..many people actually ...

Music is just a part of everyone's life

Wanted: Iyer Adonis

In the start of this month, we had some functions at home, like those typical south indian functions where women are clad in beautiful expensive "pattu" sarees (a silk sari worn by south indians especially in tamil nadu) and men are mostly in "off white pattu" mundus (silk dhoti) and angavastram (a silk shawl like cover)..

Very typically, we the kids are mandatorily made to wake up at wee hours 4am...sheesshh...why cant our functions be like the northies..starts at 12am or 1pm only... ohh back to early morn...4am and have an oil bath..

Amidst all this, I was bored and wondering...why am I made to sit all decked up like a temple cow with a garden of jasmine flowers on my head? And aunties coming and slyly advising me to act coy...and mom giving me killer looks when i think of gobbling a whole yummy laddu with a O shape cheek...Grand-mom giving that stop-giggling looks when i burst out laughing at something....

Mystery uncovers...and seems that some boy's mom is here to "check me out" for her sonny boy and according to my aunts the son is a most eligible, most wanted, perfect iyer..(atleast I should have been informed about MIB in my house)
ohhhh kayyyyy but 
if that is so then....why cant i be me? Why do I have to fake coyness?
I mean seriously, I do not understand this "ladylike" behaviour..Maybe it means don't laugh? always portray a half-closed-eyelid-look?
Maybe

Ofcourse, this "boy's  mom" did her detective work...and seems to be satisfied with what she saw and wants me to "meet" the so-called perfect boy...
Apologies...perfect iyer boy
How dumb of me to expect a hot Adonis to enter my premises....well....nothing wrong in hoping....

I  made my best heroine turn...flicking my oil-clad chipku hair....to see a 6 foot tall shiny 80's styled white pants and shiny shirt, south indian movie's villan gang extra standing next to me... *sigh*

I gave my most dagger looked at my mom...grandmom...my aunties who were obviously very happy with the rajnikant look-alike)..to top it all...i see my cousins giggling ... adding fuel in already raging fire

Why Lord Why? Why do u hate me so much?

I swear God,  (Main Geeta k hot bhai pe hath rakh ke kasam khaati hu) that I will never have an extra piece of candy..I will never steal a papad from my bro's plate, I will never say no to bhindi (lady's finger)..I will learn to make a perfect sambaar...I will get up by 7am on weekends...Promise....but please....please i beg of you..I can't be seen alive with a "bling bling right out of Tollywood B grade movie side-kick"

No, Im not being mean to the guy..im just in my self pity mode so, Please say Tatasthu and send me an Loving, caring, settled, Iyer Adonis..

Amen!!

Guest Blogger - Im not Perfect, but I love you

My Guest Blogger. Kaivan Kapadia

This is the First guest post by a very darling friend Kaivan Kapadia .I dinno there was a mind blowing poet in him. Here it is...His special dedication to me :D
Thanks Kaivu for sending me this special poem. Love ya

I Am Not A Perfect Person, 
There are Many Things I Wish I Neva Did, 

But there is this one thing with my life I can Bid , 
And Loving U Is That Thing, 
You are The One Who Got My Life The Bling, 

And Every time I Am Sad And Taken Back 
Your The Song My Heart Would Sing, 
I Remember That Phase When 
All I Wanted Was Ur Call When My Phone Did The Tring, 

We Loved With All We Had,
We Will Always Be Connected With That String, 
Trust Me Baby Girl No Matter What U Say

 It's Wasn't Fake It Wasn't A Fling,
 I Wish We Neva Fought Neva Got In This Spot, 
My Life Line To Me Now Feels Like A Dot...

-Kaivan Kapadia

My First Short Story - The Hidden Identity

With the recommendation and encouragement of a very nice friend of mine. I am trying my hand on my first SHORT STORY.

He sat there in the shady corner of the alley with his head on his hands wondering, what he had done and why. He knew this happened in the heat of the moment, it wasn't intentional, but how will he prove it.

He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror of the hotel back door, the mirror reflected his blood smeared hands, his stained shirt, and teary stained face.

Two blocks away, he heard police sirens, something in his mind made him want to see what was happening. Cops bustling around, the Caution Barricade yellow tapes being put up. Somehow, these goings made him so nervous that he wanted to scream out real loud, beads of perspiration broke out on his forehead, he closed his eyes and replayed the whole scene in his head all over again for the billionth time.

It was 11.34pm when he checked his phone for Aliah's message, she was in trouble again, but this time he sensed something serious. He brushed the sinking feeling from his mind and thought "she should have been her 15 minutes back"
He had the money she wanted and the .45 ACP handgun for her safety.

Suddenly, he saw a man approaching from the dark and dragging along a limp body of a woman. In that, moonlit street he knew that woman was Aliah.
He could feel it now, when its too late, that it was love that he felt for her but never acknowledged it. This new realization and the anger that she had been killed made him pull out the handgun and aim at the man who killed her..

BANG!!! BANG!! BANG!!!

The sound of 3 gunshots fired resonated in the silence of the night.
Things went still
He had killed him.

Open Letter to match-makers

Dear People who think they are matchmakers,

I don't know what makes you actually walk up to me every time you see me at weddings, at pooja's, on the road..anywhere actually..and ask me "beta, ladke dekhna kaise chal raha hai"

I know you are supremely "concerned": about me being married but please it would be a pleasure to not pop up in front of me just anywhere and asking me this question every time..and pledge to find a suitable guy for me..Seriously don't trouble your dung-filled head so much for me...

Or is it maybe that you are so bored with you "happily married" life so much that you cant see other unmarried's happy..
Maybe you miss your single life so much that it gets on your nerves to see a happy single flirting and getting all the attention..
If you think you are being sarcastic by asking me marriage then let me tell you...You suck... that too big time
Whatever it is..its your bad...

Now, let me open your eyes to a few things..
Next time i might lose my cool and say sumthng nasty that I actually say aloud in my head...if only you could hear my head speak...you would never face me ever in this life...
The smile you see on my face is not a blush its simply a smirk..I call it the fuck-off smile

Now, that you have taken upon yourself to find me a mate..you need to know...I really am as crazy as i look maybe a bit more...and I am too choosy when it comes to men..
All those who have tried have almost given up...including my harrowed parents..pity
You wanna try and burn your finger...welcome abode..

If ever I hurt you by rejecting your bald, fat, toothless, bore, narrow minded, 36 year old 5th couzin of your 3rd uncles's wife's brother's sister-in-laws husband's cousin brother's son..then am so sorry to hurt your match making sentiments....its just my subtle way of saying Do not try again

Sincerely Yours
DeeDee

Save Money (paisa bachao, chindi bano)

I and one of my girl pals were having a chat about "conscious spending"..
That's one area that I invariably fail..that too miserably...

Every month I promise myself
"Girl, you are not taking a rick, take a bus or a sharing"
"Whoa woman...don't go on an online or offline shopping spree"
"Hey, you are growing fat...No eating out...let that pizza and subway be"

But end up splurging enough to put my account balance to shame..

On 6th July 2012, we both chicks decided to pull each other off unwanted money spending..
I call it "Paisa Bachao Andolan"..

How? We had no idea..

We decided on the tried and tested "Maintain a Diary" method...I had tried this..after precisely a week of decent entry..moment the first weekend comes diary vanishes automatically

Then we decided to keep minimal money in out purses..or else hide those 500 and 100 notes in a place that we might forget and get it as a surprise some day.
We set a target as in spend only Rs. 40 per day, anything more than that we get punished.
We decided as a punishment for over-spending we would keep our cellphones at home the next day.

We even made an excel sheet for tracking our expenses.

Week 1: 100% Success
Week 2: 100% success (grin)
Week 3: Tuesday phone stayed home coz Monday I couldn't resist pani puri, Saturday phone stayed home, again pani-puri the culprit (small smile)
Week 4: 100% success (toothy ear to ear grin)

31st July 2012: An embarrassing war dance..woooooohooooo..This is Sparta and I am a Spartan..wooooohoooo (dont ask me where the Sparta thing came from I am just too happy to have my Mission accomplished)

I should treat myself an ice-cream....

He + Her = ?

When you think, I can hear those thoughts...you cant hear me sooth you in your pain..You cant hear me cry, when you cry..You cant feel my heart..but I know you..I know your story...I know how I came here...

I heard you say all this to your Doctor....

You met him at a friends party...dashing...dynamic...all masculine...sexy...suave...
You were constantly eying him in that party..flirting with him..then he looked at you...with all eyes full of admiration for you when he scanned you all over...you blushed then...am sure you must have looked very cute then..You then behaved as if you didn't notice the raw emotion on his face that tingled you very being..
Your friend then introduced you both..you exchanged numbers...In 2 days, he called you..

I know what you are thinking now...about that man..his lingering touch...the admiring look that he gave...words that melted you in his arms...that raw look of wanting you in every way possible..
You loved him always...without even knowing his intentions..
You believed his every word...
You felt that tinge of excitement of something wild that was to happen..Something dangerous yet wonderful...

Then it happened...He was a master of seduction..when he felt you all over..kissed every part of you..you didn't realize when you lost control over yourself...and when he savored you in every way....

You didn't realize then...But I was already born...in you...

Today, I say all this because..After 3 months,being a part of every emotion you felt, taking in every breath you took, feeling every heart beat..

YOU ARE GOING TO KILL ME MOM....For no fault of mine...I hate the word Abortion..Trust me Mom, I tried to protect you from all what he did to you..

He didn't love you,mom...but you still love him
He always hurt you..but you still love him..
He left you..You still yearn for him..


I love you ..but you going to kill me
I promised myself never to hurt you...but you going to hurt me..
I would never leave you mom...but you gonna leave me..

Don't you love me mom?...Am I nothing to you?..

Im scared mom...This sharp scissor, it hurts mom....Please don't do this...Please...don't....Mom.....I.Love.............................


Note: Why I wrote this? I met a doctor who showed astonishing number abortions that happen these days.
Women may have reasons to abort...but what about the pain the baby feels?...whose responsibility was it? what was its fault that it got conceived to two very irresponsible people? 
Maybe it wanted to live, love, care and share..But, it never will...Never.... 

Read on Facebook: Abortion doesn't mean you are un-pregnant, its just means that you are a murderous parent of a dead child.
50 million babies aborted in last 15 years. Its a sad number 

Half Yearly "Returns"

This post was inspired from a status on Facebook that read "

Half the year has gone by...how was the first half for everyone?

It looks as if 2012 just started..with people saying 2012 is going to be the end...last...Doom's year blah blah...We are all gonna be swallowed on 21.12.2012 so,predicted by the Mayan's.
Seems I just celebrated my birthday in January...
Its really amazing to think how time can pass by so soon...its Mid-year already and so many things have changed already

My first half of the year was weird 

Men my parents got, came with mustache and beard

People came..People went

My friends were almost absent 

Met new people..Missed old ones
Saw new places in the past 6 months 

Laughed till my stomach hurt

Cried till my tears dried 

Wanted to be a bride
Dude, for that I tried..I really tried 

Half year is down already? Uh oh!
All I have is a dumb list of excuses.
 

Thanks for everything nice that I have got..

2012 you better give me my wishes that you forgot.

Conversation

Head: Forget it Dee..You cant write a poem to save your life
Me: You must be kidding..This is awesome 

Head (sarcastically rolling eyes): Yea right

Me: Shut up head, you can never appreciate what I ever create..Ahh, look this rhymes too..Ohh am awesome

Head *talk to the hand expression*

Yes! I did it..finally

Yes I did it finally....I did finally bid an adieu..I knew this was coming for a few months..but  I never thought I would be strong enough to actually do it and stand by it..I wouldn't really matter to any of you..but I did matter to me
Initially it was tough, but guess it all in the mind..

Ok now..you must be wondering what exactly am i exactly ranting about..here it is..

Some things in my life were causing more negative than any good...99% people didn't care of what happened there..1% who care are still with me..

Still wondering? (wait wait don't click the X button yet)

I deleted my Facebook profile..{you would say "Ok, whats the big deal"..It was a big deal for an addict}
Like seriously, it was killing my optimism, it was making my life look duller than ever..even if it wasn't...

and just LIKE-COMMENT- blah blah was just so lame....

I don't want to to know who went where,
I don't want to know if you got sloshed in this awesome party
I don't want to know if you celebrated your 2nd anniversary in Paris
I don't want to know if you had 30 children
I don't want to know if you got yourself a sexy Versace that I have been longing for...
I don't want to know if you just had an exotic wedding at Hawaii
I don't want to see those "troll" faces
I don't want to see or share super weepy pics about Love, break-up or anything
I don't want stupid game invitations
I don't want random friend requests
I don't want people poking me for no reason ( i really don't understand this poke funda...if someone does that in real life I would turn and slap...)

Ohh..btw FYI..
-.Your wishes do not get fulfilled if you share a super long status 10 times a week, God doesn't use Facebook you see...SO, go n pray...
- Neither is Facebook going to donate money to any patient of any kind around the world if you share or post statuses...do some charity instead
- No missing kid is going to miraculously appear with you sharing a status...its the work of the police to find missing kids...some Missing's are totally fake
- No company gives you free bags, shoes,pizzas or holiday packages or any vouchers..
- Celebrity profiles are fake...welcome to reality
- People to Like their own pics and statuses look like the biggest wannabe's
- Guys if you are sending friend request seeing a girl's display picture then god save your soul..Something called as Photoshop does exist you know
- Your relationship status and you swooning over all our walls with your "madness" called love for your partner looks faker than ever..please restrict your ramblings to your bedroom itself....the world is seriously not interested (babu,shonu monu,coochikoo,jaanu....cheeeezzzzyyy)

Why am I daring to write this post now?
Coz I have successfully gotten over being addicted to Facebook..

That does not mean that I wont come back to being a insane Facebook citizen too .. [stop rolling your eyes]

Height of Vellagiri

Aaj kuch toofani karte hai..aaj kuch chugiri karte hai

Lately, I have been very stressed due to personal and professional thingy...but that doesn't stop me from being my nautanki self...

I was thinking...as always...What to do when you are bored and you wanna do something idiotic?

1. Wait for someone to sneeze..then right before the moment say "Pikaaaa"-achooooo
Trust me the look on the sneezers face is awesum

2. Look out for men peeing on the roadside...Quietly go behind them and say "Bhooo" and walk off as fast as possible
The men have a "What tha..." expression

3. When you see a Ticket Checker (TC)..Look down..try to avoid them...make sure they notice...and ask you for the ticket..make a face...pout..try to act like you are about to run and when they get stern..take out your Valid First Class pass and flash it to them..
They give a look that is sure to let you know that they wanna slap you real hard..

4.Stand in the middle of the road where you know you can create a traffic jam and pretend to frantically search something from you bag.... until there are lot many honk..turn back and give them this "WTF is wrong with you" look...and walk off
If you don't hear any swears on your back...you can change my name to whatever you want

5. Stand in a strategic location in a busy road with a notebook and a pen...look up at the sky with a curious expression on your face...in regular periods say "hmmmmm".... and note something
you can surely make heads turn

6. In a crowded bus, check some guy or an uncle out...bat an eyelid...give a coy flirty expression and say "Uncle what is the time"
That expression on the face is so hilarious....just cannot be explained..

7. Press all the buttons in an elevator when you get out..

8. Buy a packet of peanuts...Go to Bandstand...ana Aim-Launch-Throw behind any huge rock...you can be sure that some couple will magically emerge from behind the rock..

9.  Stand in a market and scream "Abbe Kutte"....
you will have atleast 10 faces looking at you or searching for the Kutte 

10. Call Pizza Hut and Ask for the number of Dominos Pizza

Note: All the above points of Vellagiri are tried and tested. Do them at you own risk. Any injury caused during the acts is not the blogger's responsibility.

Aaj Kuch Toofani Karte hai....

Tax-eeeeeewww

I read a survey somewhere, 1 glass of cutting chai in Mumbai has 57 taxes levied on it..Shocking isnt it?

The same day i received an sms

Dear God,
Please give me strength to pay my IT, GST, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Sales Tax, Luxury Tax, Entertainment Tax, Excise Duty, Customs, Octroi, TDS, ESI, Property Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, IGBT, Water Tax, Profession Tax, Road Tax, STT, SEZ, Education Cess, Corporate Tax,Wealth Tax, TOT, Captial Gain Tax, Conjestion Levy etc etc....ohh and not to forget Hafta, Donation, Bribes, Chanda etc.
If i have some money left then I will do my business till it survives the riots, bandhs and vandalism by political goons
Sincerely,
AN Indian

What does it show?

Service Class..the Aam Aadmi is the most screwed up thing in this country.

I being an employee of a MNC, I travel far hanging in trains, getting stuck in the rains..just like thousands of others, work my guts out all 30 days a month and get what? Price hike, recession, reservations...why?

Where does all my tax money go?

1000's of people hang in the crowded local trains, squeeze into crowded buses, go through dug up road, cut through heavy traffic, face power cuts at home....

then these shameless politicians come in their bullet proof cars that runs on the petrol money paid by us and their driver's salary, their house expenses, their wife's and girlfriends clothes, jewellery, their son's dope, daughter's wedding.. everything paid out of our hard earned money...to top it all..the politician will ask "kharcha pani" to pass my "hakk ka paisa"

Walk in the market once, these dayz the cost of 1kg chicken equals to the cost of 1kg tomatoes..ohh seasonal fruits sell at premium rate..soon fruits like mangoes will be sold in a Gold jewellery shop..

Still our govt expects educated class to contribute for the "welfare" of our nation.

Why would a sane educated man slog his ass off over here when he can do the same out of this country and get paid three times more and live a luxurious life..

They say ours is a democratic country...I ask..is it really? no..

A person who speaks his mind gets beaten, killed, threatened, exiled...WTF

And we say  "Mera Bharat Maahan"...Sau mei ne 99 beimaan" (Read: Politicians)

Mumbai Local

From a commuter's point, I have always been a "bus person"---meaning...all my life I have traveled in buses to college, to work, to wherever..and frankly I'm supremely comfortable with Mumbai BEST, NMMT, TMT buses..
Now suddenly, my work demands me to go by train...and trust me trains terrify me...no particular reason as such.

Actually i have a few reasons to list down
1. Fast trains always come in IST (Indian Sarkari Time) a.k.a Late
2. Just too much crowd..
3. 3rd class snobbish women in 1st class compartment..
4. Experienced women  have mastered the art of pouncing, kicking, hair-pulling and bullying the innocent newbie's..
5. Free massages anyone?
6. Wanna listen to random gossip? Try listening to any conversation going on in the train -- Entertainment guranteed


Lessons I have learnt from Mumbai chi lifeline -- The local train

1. If you accidentally push any fat aunty..jus give the dumbest possible smile and say a loud Sorry
2. New survival techniques -- hang on to the sides else you either go right in or right out
3. Do not (Exta Bold, Font Size 72) get into an argument especially about flying hair ponytail or a flying dupatta....Its like a Criminal Offense
Ohh btw...when the fight involves other women and not you..it sure is entertaining to see...
4. Push Pull  Technique-- to get down Push else you will automatically get pushed...to get in Pull all your senses together and get hold of anything that looks like a handle..else you will be standing staring at the moving train
5. Proper Safety measures -- Make friends...known faces..make a group...you will be safe..rest assured
6. Take care of your belongings -- Hold on to your bag like its your baby..else you will have the straps ripped apart
7. Never ask for 4th seat in a 1st class compartment..they look at you as if you are dancing naked with a chicken on your head
8. Optimum utilization of space -- I have learnt to squeeze myself in the tinniest possible crevice in the compartment
9. Stress Buster -- Crib about jus anything Mother in law, boss, women, Government..just anything that comes to your head and in return you get sympathetic smiles, nods and sometimes even supportive comments

NOTE: After you get off the train mandatorily check if you have you hands, legs, fingers, toes, hair, head, bag, both sides of the headphones in place

Have a safe a journey and travel back in One piece

Valentine Special-The Coffee Shop

She used to always scoff at people who said "Life brings surprises"...she always has had life giving her ugly shocks than sweet surprises..
She was a bubbly and pretty 25 year old who had a Post Graduate degree and a job she loved with a lot of friends and a great family, still a part of her was lonely and longing for being loved and cared for by that special someone..with couples floating around makes her more aware of her loneliness that she harbors in silence with a enchanting smile on her face..

He was a vivacious, sexy, 26 year old guy who has in a job he likes. A guy who hangs out with his friends when the sun goes down, an athlete with a toned body, a smile and attitude that women would die for..

First Encounter

She was sitting alone in a corner table of a coffee shop lost in her thoughts with a book in her hand and a Cafe Latte in front of her..when like a blast he entered and almost tripped her table...She hated him for disturbing her train of thoughts...while he looked at the "Plain Jane" with nothing attractive said a bland sorry and walked off...and gave each other occasional glances..

That night, He didn't know why he was feeling so guilty of tripping "The Plain Jane" in the coffee shop...maybe it was her big dancer eyes..maybe it was the shy smile that he noticed from far...may be it was her cool, cat-like composure..all he knew was that he wanted to see her again..He was absolutely smitten by her...

She was on her bed that night, and thinking about the brash man who almost tripped her coffee today...sheer arrogant maleness attracted her like a moth to the fire..but she reminded herself of being hurt one too many times by guys whom she loved with all her heart.

Meeting Point

After a few months...after initial longing to see each other....the moment still seeming fresh but distant...

Another fine day, He walked into the cafe and there she was, all radiant and bright, and seemed happy...He thought "Gosh, How much have I missed her!" He sat down at a table a few tables away from her, trying to drink the sight of her black lustrous mane, her slender body, beautifully manicured hands, those delicate fingers circling the coffee mug...His thoughts were instantly distracted when she turned to look at him and suddenly flashed a girlish grin......and time stopped for a while...

She had least expected to see him there that evening., she was too engrossed in her book that she did not see him coming the coffee shop..once she lifted her head off the book and saw him looking at her with awe in his eyes and she knew that she had instantly fallen for those soulful eyes...before she realized she actually blushed and smiled at him......and the world turned upside down for her

He wanted to talk to her..wanted to ask her out...hold her hand...but his body didn't seem to move...she didn't realize for how long had she been staring at him until the waiter brought her check and broke the magic between them.

She got up to leave..she turned to him...smiled one last time....and the light shone on her finger...something shiny...her engagement ring......
This unexplainable feeling...what was happening to him...never anything of this sort ever happened to him..why was his heart breaking...why did he have the knotted feeling in the stomach...why were those eyes haunting him...he wanted to stop her..but he knew now that he was losing this girl who made him fall in love for the first time ever...

On her way, she knew what she felt was wrong...she is destined to be someone else's...someone whom she doesn't love...someone who makes her feel so lonely...but she is not able to stop herself..she is so automatically attracted to the stranger...she knew in heart of hearts that this was the last time will she ever she the man whom she lost her heart to in an instant....



"There is nothing in the world so wonderful as to love and be loved; there is nothing so devastating as love lost.". - Kalil Gibran

What If....

There is a little coffee shop near my workplace...there have been so many times when I feel like getting out of my hectic schedule and i find myself in that shop..soft music..awesome coffee..facing the quiet fountain admist the chaos on the road....

So many times I have sat there for hours thinking and picturizing crazy situations...like

* what if my boss gets kidnapped?

* what if i suddenly win a big big lottery?

* what if movie types some single handsome..rich millionaire instantly falls in love with me and pursues me? (louu at first sight it is)

* what if the fan above falls....and who will rescue whom n how..?(full in slow motion with background music)

* what if people start walking around making faces like the emote's on our cellphones (smileys) or maybe actually go ROTFLMAO (rolling on the floor laffing my ass off)? *scary tought*

* what if I drive a road-roller everyday to work or maybe a jet plane...or say a hover-craft?

* what if aliens land in middle of the powai traffic?

* what if I get the alladin's lamp with a blue genie?

* what if war like situation breaks and they ask me to join the army? :D

* what if i become invisible?

* what if there was no Google? (i'd rather die)

* what if Jack Sparrow kidnaps me? (ahhh lovely....)

* what if world really ended in 2012?

* what if people started walking and moving in pictures (weird)

After so many If's..its a big But.....but nothing of that sort is gonna happen...and when i was reeling a super duper Oscar award and Grammy winning movie in my head, my Cafe Latte has become a forth-less cold coffee....

*Sigh* back to the real world...

What if I could fly back home like a super-woman....There it goes again... 

Conversation
Mind: what if...
Me: Mind...Shut-up
Mind: no dee listen na..i mean..
Me: ok enuf mind...you talk too much...
Mind: but....
Me: Mind..Fuck Off...

Mind goes off wandering.....